I need to take my moments of contemplation when I can get them these days. Only three weeks into the semester, and I have already (at least once) left a piece of my lesson planning to the morning. And that eats up not only time, but also confidence. Yet I am feeling an internal sense that not only should I be maintaining my morning reflection time, but perhaps I need to expand my writing practices. Now, because I am spending my days teaching writing, when I write for myownself, I am keenly conscious of how I am moving around inside these sentences, pulling the ideas of this sentence into being perhaps even while I typed the previous sentence. Considering whether a fragment here might be well-used to effect. Wondering whether I can hold onto the depth of the idea that I am working with if I shift for a moment into discussion of the what happens when I explore the room of a sentence while I am writing it.
You and I, we are individual universes, separate in our separate realms, joined by. . .what? (Meta-mind wonders how I should have punctuated that one and hopes a grammarian friend will give suggestions.) What is the web that connects us in our isolated worlds? Love and hope, certainly. Gesture and expression. Still, we need language to channel those deep rivers of self between us, to make the webs between us glow and shine. As we build these word, bridges, construct whole rooms and tunnels of sentences, cities of paragraphed ideas, our worlds connect. I can write to you and you can write to me, and we can say to each other that we know each other, even if we have not seen each others’ faces. Just because of words. May all our words bring deeper understanding, more powerful connections.
Gratitude List:
1. Personal pep-talks, for that is what this has been. It was a short night, and it promises to be a hot day in the classroom, me yelling my words out over the fans. Still, I cannot be anything but grateful to for the gift of this opportunity to help this cohort of 90 young people develop and perfect their ability to work with language, this magical tool for human connection. May it be so.
2. The great horned owls. I know I just wrote about them a couple days ago, but their deep and startling voices here in the fall are almost as trance-inducing as my friend the oriole was in spring. When I am grumbling at the rude voice of the alarm clock, the sudden surprised whooping of the owls in the bamboo forest will make me smile and be glad to be awake in this darkness.
3. Following my predecessor at the school. She was well-loved by quite a number of students. Random students keep wandering in and looking around, a little lost, and introducing themselves as former students of hers. Some of them even return repeatedly, as though simply the memory of her in that room makes it a haven amidst the bustle of the school day. Big shoes to fill. I’ll be my own me, of course, but do my best to keep her light shining in the window.
4. Word-bridges. Sentence-halls. Paragraph-houses. All these artificial structures and codes that we have created in millennia of human development that enable us to close the space between us.
5. Annoying as his constant demands for attention, food, attention, and food can be, I love the way Fred the cat meows, his whole face getting into the act. I love the way he won’t take no for an answer when he wants snuggles and I am wearing a dark blue dress that cannot have orange cat hair upon it. I had to go get a blanket to cover me because he would have his mama-cuddle this morning, no matter what I said.
May we walk in Beauty!