Reminders

Gratitude List:
1.  All my Facebook friends who write gratitude lists, which reminds me to do my own.
2.  The bolt of magenta that flowed upward from the morning’s tangerine sunrise onto an indigo belly of cloud.  Sounds a little over-done to read it like that, but that’s kind of how it is with these morning sunrises.  Show-offy.  I’m not complaining.
3.  The same tangerine and magenta in the sunset today.  My life feels a little closed in these days, driving into sunrise on my morning commute and into sunset on my evening commute, and indoors for the hours between.  But hail and welcome, Winter, anyway.  And thank you for the colors.
4.  There’s this thing about the crows.  I can’t quite figure out how to work it into a poem.  I want to say that I am a row of bare white sycamore trees with crows in my hair, crows like thoughts above me.  Perhaps it’s crows and sunset.  Crows and sunset and bare trees.  What is the riddle that keeps asking to be noticed when the crows fly?  I love them so.
5.  And sundogs.  Also in the crows and sunset train.  Still, their own thing.  They way they settle gently on top of a cloud.  How they brighten the sky directly outside their arc.  How they suggest a full circle spectrum around the sun.

May we walk in Beauty!

It’s Always About the Bridge

Last January, during the high holy days that come at the year’s turning, before the 12th Day of Christmas, I had a dream about bridges, and I decided that Bridges would be my image for the year.  Little did I know back then how I would be creating a bridge between two times of my life, between Farmer and Teacher, and traveling every day across the bridges from Wrightsville to Columbia to the place of the Iron Bridge, where it crosses the Millstream.  Little did I know then how desperate I would be right now for language, for images, for ideas which could bridge the gaps between people who cannot seem to see their way across the chasms toward each other.

In my twenties and thirties, I spent a decade away from the Mennonite church, searching for a way to find my own place among my people on my own terms, with language that could hold me in the basket, too.  I have been back again now for another decade, and engaged with people who ask many of the same questions I do, who sometimes walk through the boggy places at the edges of the Village with me, and now we stop and look around at each other through the mists, and wonder how this new gulf could have formed between some of us, and how we’ll find our way to each other again, and whether we have the skills or energy to build a bridge across.

Perhaps we can build a bridge of song, strong four-part harmonies to give it structure, old hymn tunes mingling with a strummed guitar and songs from our family in other lands.  I hear you there, through the mist, across the waters.  Sing louder, please.  Remind me why we need this bridge.  Some days I get so weary of trying to maintain the vision of it in that space between my brows.  Here are my tears, here is my rage, here is my voice like a strand of silver cobweb, thrown out into the darkness, to weave and twine with yours.  How shall we begin?

 

Gratitude List:
1. Ellis combing my hair, like I used to comb my mother’s hair.
2. Bridges everywhere.  I think that the young ones are a bridge.  But will their time ripen soon enough?
3. Thoughtful conversations with friends.  I do not have to brood alone.
4. The thousand thousand crows in the trees along Route 30.  I know that they are a trial for those who live and work there, but the magic and the mystery and the incredible wonder of them filling the treetops and flying through the dusk and the rain answers some sort of question in my spirit that I don’t yet know how to ask.
5. The Number One Ladies Detective Agency.  I have been listening to Alexander McCall Smith books on my commute lately, and enjoying the accents of Botswana.

May we walk in Beauty!

Maple’s gone, mostly
but oak and larch remain,
leathery leaves waiting
waiting for the strongest gusts
to send them whirling.

Sycamore beside the creek
raises her naked arms skyward.

My own leaves skitter about my feet
and my limbs feel the coming chill,
the dearth of birdsong.
But oh, the sky above me
and the ground that holds me here.

Gratitude List:
1. Yesterday’s eclectic Music Chapel at school.  This school has talent.
2. The hens have a new home.  I am so sad to say goodbye to my girls, but I know that I could no longer take care of them properly through winter with my new schedule.
3. I found my hats.
4. The drive to create.
5. Autumn is feeling like autumn now.

May we walk in Beauty!

 

You Knew

This one just happened yesterday as I was walking out of school.  I don’t know what it’s about, exactly.

Because the moon.
And why not?
You knew
the moon would be the answer.

You knew the way the sky
would crumble underneath
her silken gaze,

the way the stars
would tumble through her dreams.

***

It feels a little unfinished.  I suppose the drive home is not always conducive to the writing of poetry. . .

Gratitude List:
1.  Everyone’s photographs of fall trees
2.  Good literature
3.  Coffee
4.  Breathing
5.  The turning of the year.  I must admit that this is the hard turning for me, which for the past ten years has been eased by the slow and gentle movement into the darkness that comes when the farm season is over.  With the rush and constancy of school, I am finding it challenging again, this shift into darkness.  All will, of course, be well.  But I must (as perhaps you must too) remember to take the journey to the darkness gently, to find spaces for good strong breath, to hold my people tightly, and be held.  This is a good time, no matter how it may challenge my spirit, a time which has lessons for us, dreams to share.  I must be sure to make my spaces for contemplation amidst the cheery clamor of the daily.

May we walk in Beauty!

New Poems

Yesterday in class, I had my students write ten-line poems about what a poem is or is not.  Then we read Charles Wright’s “New Poem” together.  I did not bring my journal home with me to record my own poem here, but here’s another sort of like it.

after Charles Wright’s “The New Poem”

This poem will not wander through your dreams calling your name until dawn
This poem will not bake you a pumpkin pie with cloves and cinnamon
This poem will not sit down with you at the table and tell you stories of its childhood
It will not ensure that your candidate is elected
It will not remember your birthday or help you with the dishes

This poem will not tell you where this wind was born
Nor will it offer you a map to the city
This poem will not hold your hand through the time of fever
It will not care for your children when you must work late
It will not fill your gas tank or even buy you a doughnut

This poem might remember your name when you visit for tea
This poem might compliment your diction
This poem might make a comment on the sublime blue of the sky
It might remind you to call your sister
It might turn into a little bird and fly away

Gratitude List:
1.  Small boy is awake and waiting to be read to before we go off to our different days
2.  Gifted young actors on a stage.  If you are in the Lancaster area, you ought to check out The Crucible at LMH tonight or tomorrow.  It’s not a cheery play, but it will change you.  It will move you.
3.  Coffee
4.  Opening spaces
5.  Poems

May we walk in Beauty!

Stories and Sun Dogs

Now that I have finished The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit on books on tape, along with a partial set of Sherlock Holmes stories I bought at the library book sale, I thought I might use some of the time during my car ride to work on a story for the Central PA magazine short story contest.  It’s not due until February, so maybe I’ll actually finish it this year.  I have started this same story several times, and this year I realized that one of the essentials that it has been missing is an actual plot of any sort.  Maybe this year I’ll give it a bit of a plot and by next year I’ll be able to submit it.  Who knows?  Maybe even this year I’ll get it whipped into shape.  Meanwhile, it’s a lovely thing to occupy my head on my daily journey.  It’s based on my dreams of my grandmother’s house.

Gratitude List:
1.  Broken light, which is to say, rainbows and sun dogs.  I haven’t seen a rainbow for a little while, but sometimes I see sun dogs as I drive west on 30.
2.  Glory cloud on the way home from work today.  Sun streaming in beams through the clouds, like the sun was a great eye and the rays were lashes all around it.  And then a tangerine sunset beneath.
3.  That fever has gone down and seems to be staying down.  May the Little Kid stay well now.
4.  Tea.  We are entering the season of tea.  Tea and gloves.
5.  Word play, poems, shapes of words on the page, the taste of words in the mouth.  A story that might get born.

May we walk in Beauty.

Time for Sleep

this cat is purring a poem
gently in my ear
the rhythm only a whisker away
from being pure doggerel

but then he changes up the beat

 

Gratitude List:
1. First Quarter grades are finally ready for posting.  Just in time.  Oh, I have learned so much about time management.  I thought I was being wise, but I think I can really tweak my next semester to be much more efficient.  Sometimes you just need to get around that first lap to understand the lay of the course, to see how you need to plan the run.  I have learned so much.  Suddenly, though I am weary, I feel full of energy and excitement for the next lap.  This one, I am going to manage so much more efficiently.
2. That red-shouldered hawk with the gingery breast who sits in Neighbor John’s walnut tree for hours at a time while the sun warms her feathers.  She sits so still, and close enough that I can see the black and white checkered pattern on her wings and the red on her shoulders that gives her her name.
3. The way this cat clings to desperately to me when he sits on my lap. But it makes it really hard to get up and get anything else done.
4. Watching the 9th graders catch fire for writing poetry.  We have to study the poetry of other people, too, but they’re having so much fun writing their own that I want to do that the whole time.  Watching their eyes as they read out something that fell together in a quick exercise, when they realize that meaning is born from the juxtaposition of random words or ideas, the repetition of a phrase, or the sudden coming together of similar sounds.
5. Tonight I will sleep and sleep and sleeeeeep.

May we walk in Beauty.  May your sleep be deep.

Re-Building Bridges

We watched a couple videos of Turkish Ebru painting, Boy and I.  In Ebru painting, the artist drips ink on to the surface of the water, then manipulates the surface to create beautiful designs which cling to the paper the artist rests on the water’s surface.

Afterward, “Can you get down my painting box?”

“I think we’re out of painting paper.”

“That’s okay.  I’ll find some cardboard.”

P1020389

Gratitude List:
1.  The wild creative imagination of children.  How one thing suddenly becomes another thing, which morphs into a totally different thing.  Well, now.  Isn’t that sort of like life?  Maybe the Divine Source of all Being is a Child playing with colors:  “This one looks like a farmer.  But if I twist this brush a little bit this way, she turns into a teacher.  See?”  Capricious, maybe.  But magical.  Just let this one dry a good while please, Kid, before you go shifting this part of the design again.
2.  Ends of tunnels.  Beginnings of bridges.  Spanning the distances.  Breathe, baby, breathe, while you cross that bridge.  And don’t, whatever you do, hold your breath in the tunnels!  Look for the light–it’s really there.
3.  Re-built bridges, diamonds, rust.  A couple days ago, I heard Joan Baez singing “Diamonds and Rust” on the radio, and it took me back 25 years in one instant.  It took me right back to the happy times before the burning of a bridge, of a friendship.  The bridge has been re-built, of course, and this new one is as beautiful as my bridge that arches over the Susquehanna when the sun hits it just so in the mornings.  But that long-ago burning still sometimes haunts me with the shame of my pettiness and selfishness, despite the great grace of my co-re-builder, despite the years that have passed.  Sometimes I just have to go back and look at the old pilings where the old bridge used to be, to see how there’s moss growing there, and small trees, how the wreck sets off the incredible grace of the new bridge, how the sun shines on it all as Beauty.  This is one of the big gratitudes of my life, one of the constants: the Grace of friendship.
4.  Oh, that slant of light in the mornings in the hollow makes me almost as giddy and obsessed as my oriole did in springtime.  I miss it most mornings these days because I am gone before sunrise.  See, we sit down here in the shadows of the bowl, and we know that it is day because the sky has brightened up above, but then the sun slants down and hits the tops of the trees with a golden shimmer that moves down the trunks.  There comes a point when the sun just spills down the hillsides like liquid gold.
5.  Both.  And.  I like those words.
6.  (Because sometimes you need more than five.)  It’s a long way away, but I am planning my self-care moment, anticipating my Time of Silence.  The thought of my own retreat fills me with energy.

May we walk in Beauty!

Goose, Goose, Maple

Duck, duck, goose.
Goose, goose, wren.
Mist, moon, mist.

October.

Gratitude List:
1. Maple
2. Maple
3. Maple
4. Dogwood
5. Maple

May we walk in Fiery Beauty!

Because

“I lack the peace of simple things,” says Wendell Berry
and I concur, almost, because
of the frenzy of the daily commute, because
of the the houseful of stuff we don’t need,
that we trip over in the darkness, because
of the way I am so lost in doing all that must be done.

But Wendell, you know better than most how it’s all around us,
how you can settle your soul into the simple peace, because
of those flaming leaves falling all over my head, because
of the giggle of a five-year-old, because
of sleep, deep restful sleep, because
of the way the corn tastes yellow, but the beans taste green, because
of the way words weave and twist themselves
into something that means something akin to hope.

Gratitude List:
1.  Because of pumpkin pie and delicious Sunday Dinner with good folks
2.  Because of good class preparation time this evening
3.  Because of the color orange, orange in all its colors
4.  Because of Rainer Maria Rilke and living the questions, living into the answers, and because of Elizabeth Barrett Browning and the world being crammed with heaven
5.  Because of that song: “In the bulb there is a flower”

Because we walk in Beauty.