White Rose and Blue Clouds

Gratitude List:
1. There is a Murmuration in the hollow, though it sounds perhaps more like a thousand screen doors screeking.  It can be positively deafening out there when the starlings are settling into the treetops.  In the videos of them flying above open land, they look like a single creature, made of light and motion.  We get a little of that show here in the hollow, though it’s much more contained within the bowl of the trees and so a little less fantastical.  For these few weeks while we have this crowd of treetop guests, I must be extremely careful where I park the car.  Apparently, they enjoy the purple poke berries, and they decorate the world with joyful abandon.  Still, I love them, and the way they fly like a veil twisting and twirling in the breezes.

2. Some days, teaching is really hard.  I have days when it feels like every lesson I diligently (or perhaps not-always-so-diligently) plan falls with a thud on the classroom floor.  Or I get snappy and grouchy with all the chatter and distraction.  On those days, I need to remember days like today.  Every class was somehow more focused, more thoughtful.  My favorite part was my two Academic Writing classes, where instead of having to cajole and badger to get people to read their essays, there were suddenly too many hands raised to get to them all, and every time someone would read their essay, everyone else had thoughtful feedback and supportive comments.  They called each other “courageous” and “gutsy” today. I think their writing is definitely improving, and their grammar is getting stronger, but the things that matter–their ability to make connections between ideas, to build bridges between themselves and others, to articulate their vision–these things are definitely growing and expanding.  I love sophomores.  They are so aptly named.  So wise.  So playful.

3. Holy synchronicities like this one.  One of the things that was shiny about class today had to do with the day’s poem, Jose Marti’s “The White Rose” (see below).  I put the Spanish original up on the board, and in every single class, they were immediately drawn to the puzzle of trying to pronounce it and trying to interpret it.  The kids with Spanish as a first language chuckled–politely–at those of us who learned in school as we tried to speak it carefully and tried to figure out the flow of the words.  Then I read them the English version.  One girl, who is perhaps only just now learning to believe in herself as a scholar, blurted out, “I get it!  It’s about turning the other cheek!”  Brilliant.
But the moment of holy coincidence came in the last period of the day, when one girl’s eyes started to sparkle when I read the poem.  She raised her hand to say that her grandmother is a niece or cousin of Jose Marti.

4. The blue bellies of the clouds on the way home today.  Once, during an art class I was taking, the teacher tried to teach us to recognize indigo by showing us the shadow part of the the underside of clouds.  That has become my baseline for recognizing indigo ever since.  The neurologist Oliver Sacks refers to the seeing of indigo as a numinous experience, and the plant and the dye process have been held in such honor through the centuries that I have begun to think of the experience of truly seeing indigo as a mystery.
The bellies of the clouds on the way home today may have actually been more of a cobalt, that shining blue that you see behind the clouds on a bright day.  But this was a shadow blue, right on the clouds, and so rich and shining a cobalt.  That, and the blue-ish ribbons of sun rays streaming down around Mount Pisgah as I drove home from work this evening, filled my soul.

5. Reading Madeline L’Engle with the kids.  We’re on to A Wind in the Door by now, and they’re not bored silly with all the talkiness.  They seem to get the idea of the Namers.

Be a Namer!  Walk in Beauty!

I HAVE A WHITE ROSE TO TEND

I have a white rose to tend
In July as in January;
I give it to the true friend
Who offers his frank hand to me.
And for the cruel one whose blows
Break the heart by which I live,
Thistle nor thorn do I give:
For him, too, I have a white rose.

CULTIVO UNA ROSA BLANCA… (Verso XXXIX)

Cultivo una rosa blanca,
En julio como en enero,
Para el amigo sincero
Que me da su mano franca.
Y para el cruel que me arranca
El corazón con que vivo,
Cardo ni oruga cultivo:
Cultivo la rosa blanca.

 

Hue and Shine

Gratitude List:
1. Russet, ochre, olive, sienna, onyx, taupe, orange, crimson, burgundy, umber, golden.  I think I just wrote an accidental poem there.  I love these colors and their names.  The maple trees are on fire.  The oaks are less showy, but just as rich in hue and shine.
2. Shine.  Even in yesterday’s drizzle, there was a shine and a brightness to the air.  Morning light in my classroom is almost unbearable, it is so exquisitely focused.  Afternoon light skates in like a stone being skipped off a pond, sparkling in at an angle.
3. Shine.  Even when they’re quiet or moody, there is a shine and a brightness to my students.  With the right topic and questions, they can become incredibly focused.  They sparkle, finding angles and shades of meanings in the finest of details.
4. Last night’s supper.  I like when a meal is so well-matched that I find myself stacking my bites: a bit of green bean, a bit of potato (make sure there’s a little of that parsley on it), and a bite of salmon patty.  Delicious.  Solid.  Nourishing.
5. I am told that this is a “screamy” band, and I have not actually heard the music, but one of my students has offered me this lyric from La Dispute: “We are not our failures.  We are only the extent to which we love.”

Today, let’s be love.  Let’s shine love like autumn light.  Let’s radiate all the colors of love.  May we walk in Beauty and in Love!

Falling and Rising

EWK 4 001

 

Gratitude List:
1. The violin trio
2. October morning mists
3. Rising. (Or did I mean falling?)
4. The Ma and Pa Railroad.  History.
5. October afternoon sun

May we walk in Beauty!

The Moon, the Mist, and a Tiny Toad

Gratitude List:
1. Morning Moon and her two planetary companions
2. The way the leaves leaped from the trees like birds in the rain-breeze
3. The golden shine beneath the storm
4. A teeny tiny toad in the the leaf litter after the rain
5. The way the mist rose out of the Millstream by the old footbridge this morning and settled over the field like an old woman’s hair

May we walk in Beauty!

A Whole World in a Teeny Tiny Story

Beauty

Gratitude (no list today, but this):
Some days, the lesson plan sort of dissipates in the face of something else that takes over.  That happened today.  A couple times a week, I offer my students short, ungraded writing exercises at the beginning of class, just to keep the writing muscle toned.  Today, we wrote micro-fiction, trying to get a story into 6 words, but letting ourselves go up to 15, or maybe 20, and even more in a few cases.  In every class, there were teeny-tiny stories that took my breath away.

During 8th period, the stories kept coming, and people kept sharing, and it felt wrong to cut it short.  Something in the back of my head kept saying, “Umm.  We were planning to work with Dependent and Independent Clauses, and Participial Phrases and. . .” and another part of my brain (fortunately) told that first part to please sit down and be quiet a while.

One boy, who had been out of class for a couple weeks, told his tiny story.  Immediately a couple of the others raised their hands and wanted to talk about what they thought it meant.  Suddenly students were doing deep literary analyses of their classmates’ micro-stories.

Then a girl wrote a tiny story and explained that it was about race, and about how, even when you are successful in this culture, if you’re black, there’s a sense in which it’s never quite enough.  Nobody raised a hand to tell her differently.  They listened.  Oh, how they listened.

And then a boy raised his hand, the same one who recently returned to class, and he began to speak powerfully about resilience.  I worried for a moment that the girl might think he was telling her how she ought to feel, that because she didn’t know his story, she might think it was directed at her.  When he was done, she said, “I get what you are saying.”  Their eyes were shining as they left class today, and I didn’t do a thing but witness.

I am so glad that we did not study Participial Phrases today.

May we walk through our stories in Beauty!

Not Just Words

Gratitude List:
1. Re-member-ing
2. Quest-ioning
3. Cred-ulity and in-cred-ulity
4. Couer-age and en-couer-agement
5. Breath

May we walk in Beauty!

Seek Beauty

Gratitude List:
1. Dahlias
2. Mariah’s healing oil/massage/energy treatment.
3. Reading L’Engle to my children.
4. Fannie Lou Hamer
5. Goals

Seek Beauty.

 

 

The Contemplative Muscle

Not much time to focus on poems these days.  A small boy needs Mama time.  A cat needs a snuggle that cannot handle a computer.  I feel a need to keep working the contemplative muscles, so here is a little bit of free association for the morning.

In my head every poem begins
“This is the story. . .”
Inside my heart every story starts out
“She lived at the edge of a great, dark forest.”

What did you do when the song began?
Did you huddle beneath the leaves in the bears’ den
or step into the sunny clearing,
trusting the shining threads that fell upon your ears?

Gratitude List:
1. Sleeping in past 6:30
2. My current reading stack: Ruth Gendler’s Book of Qualities, Madeleine L’Engle’s Walking on Water, and Mary Oliver’s Felicity.
3. Sweater weather
4. Embracing the transitions
5. Story

May we walk in Beauty!

Re-Gathered Community

“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories . . . water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” –Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Last night, I went to my thirtieth high school reunion.  I think there were about 23 or 24 of us classmates there, along with many spouses.

We talk about the beauty of youth, and I know the fact of that because I spend my days with teenagers.  I heard somewhere once that someone had somewhat scientifically determined that we reach the pinnacle of our physical beauty around age 30, and I can understand that, too.  But for well-polished and gracefully-tempered beauty, sit in a room of people just about to enter their second half-century.  I am trying to define the essence of it this morning: there’s grace in the faces, self-acceptance, a movement beyond the scrabbling and striving of earlier years.  The intervening years since we graduated have brought terrible pain to some of us, great joys, power and powerlessness, anxiety and fulfillment, and the stories and conversation last night were carried on a stream of grace that echoed in people’s voices and showed in their eyes.  People seemed to have moved into themselves.  They are beautiful in ways that make our high school selves look raw and unpolished, our young adult selves look over-polished and grasping.  These people were shining and grace-filled, and in a way that admitted of the harsh realities that we have experienced on our way here.

Gathered in that room, I know, were people of all political stripes.  Many of us sit firmly on one side or the other in the debates that are threatening to shatter our church.  But last night, we were one thing, one group, together sharing our stories.  Some stories got deeper, but many of us told the basic details.  Still, the regular tales of children and grandchildren born and growing up, of jobs and farms and hobbies–all took on deep significance.  There was an acceptance and a sense of belonging in that room, where many of us have become near-strangers over the past 30 years.

A moment of laughter appeared in the room.  Giggles and chuckles.  Then, as understanding dawned, a second wave, and a third.  And the laughter itself became a conversation.  Meaning was there, and levels and layers of meaning that went beyond the initial words that sparked the laughter.  Something holy happened in the laughter.  Did it last for five minutes or for twenty?

I feel shy and awkward with small-talk conversations with people I don’t know well.  Often I can push my way through and into small chat, but I never quite know how to navigate a room.  How long do we talk?  What about the awkward pauses?  Is it my turn to start the next piece of conversation?  It’s always easier for me when the conversation gets going on its own track, and I lose awareness of the way into the conversation, when mutual curiosity draws us together and lends energy to the forward movement of our talking.  In mingle-settings where there are lots of people, I also get a sense of wanting to connect with everyone, so I struggle to get into deeper conversation because there are too many people to connect with.  I get overwhelmed.  So the thing that I look forward to in reunions and gatherings is the group sharing.  Even though it isn’t intimate, and we each package our story into the short five-minute moment we are allotted, we all focus, for those moments, on the one person speaking.  We hear story together, and for a moment, we are a re-gathered community.

Gratitude List:
1. Middle age
2. Reunions and conversation
3. The language of laughter
4. The gravity-loosening power of music
5. October

May we walk in Beauty!

Daughters

As I read the first line of Eavan Boland’s poem “The Lost Land,” I felt as though I knew exactly what the second line was going to be.  I was almost shocked when I read her second line and saw that it was not what had happened in my own head.  I think that means that I need to write my own “daughters” poem.  I’m not sure where it will take me.  I have been mulling different places to take it for a week or so now.  If I can find a breath between the stacks of grading, I’ll try some exercises to shake it out.  Here, for now, are the first two lines.  The first is stolen from Eavan Boland, and the second is the compulsion line that forced itself out before I could read further in her poem.

I have two daughters.
Their names are Memory and Loss.

Gratitude List:
1. Autumn breezes.  Thermal delight.
2. Breaking through.
3. Apples.
4. Walking through the doorways.
5. Water.

May the waters flow free for all.  May all people find safety.  May we walk in Beauty.