I Shouldn’t Be Here

<Prompt 23: Write a Poem: “I Shouldn’t Be Here”>

Today we took the children to the Hans Herr House and took the tour through the Longhouse.  The Longhouse at the Herr House was recreated as closely as possible to the remains of one unearthed in Washington Boro, where we used to farm.

So this is on my mind as I look at this poem prompt tonight.  I am stealing my friend Natasha’s ceremonial refrain for the ending of the poem.

I Shouldn’t Be Here

And neither, perhaps, should you.  Or you.
How shall I place this shame in context?

It wasn’t my pigs who brought the plague
that wiped out the thousand Caddoan villages
along the Mississippi.  Nor my gold-lust
that cut off the hands and the tongues
of those who would not yield me tribute.

I did not rush in with the unrighteous mob
when the Paxtang Boys tore down the doors
and killed the last Conestoga villagers.

How have we come to speak so glibly of genocide?

They had no concept, see, of land ownership,
and our own greed had built into a towering need.

They helped us live, you know,
when our own were starving.
We could not have been so bad,
if they helped us then.
And we have immortalized them
with gratitude, so that makes up
a little of the difference.

I shouldn’t be here, but I am,
here in history, here in this place.
And beneath my feet, the bones
of the People Who Came Before.

What can I offer as a token,
as my plea for forgiveness?

A small piece of quartz tossed
into the River which fed them,
Three seeds in the soil
which grew their livelihood:
a bean, a corn kernel, a gourd.
A feather tossed into the wind,
like the eagles who flew above
the myriad villages of the People.

I am sorry.
Please forgive me.

Gratitude List:
1.  A lovely afternoon of learning with friends, honoring the People Who Came Before.
2.  The faery oak tree on the corner of Water and James in Lancaster.
3.  The sentinel dawn redwoods on Ducktown Road.
4.  Popcorn
5.  Center

May we walk in Beauty.

Ideogram

<Prompt 22: Use at least three of the following words in a poem: ideogram, remora, casket, eclipse, selfie, wretch>

Four o’clock in the morning
and sleep has dwindled away
like the last drops of late rain

and that remora of remorse
attaches itself so tenderly
to the soft underbelly of the heart

feeding on you, feeding you,
leaving morning’s mark on the soul
like an ideogram for eclipse.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  Fabric, texture, textile
2.  Puzzles
3.  Gingerbread and applesauce
4.  Rain
5.  Sharing story

May we walk in Beauty.

Look For the Secret Message

<Prompt 21: Write a Secret Message Poem> It’s a little late, and I am a little tired, so this one is a little easy, I believe.  Reply to this post if you want me to crack the code for you.

You know what I mean. You
are waiting for the answer, but
a different question wants asking.  The
gift of the moment is the task you set,
The answer will come at the moment the
Universe deems you ready.  This
has its requirements: patience, a heart
given the urge to open, and a mind tuned
to curiosity.  You may discover the question
itself is the answer you seek.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  That Gratitude Lost was simply a typo, easily deleted.
2.  Two snails to befriend the fish.  The boys call them Cleaner One and Cleaner Two, though Joss first called them Basil and Wheatgrass for the plants that grow at the top of the tank, and I prefer those names.  How can it be so entertaining to watch snails?  It is.
3.  The meaning behind the meaning.
4.  No bad news.
5.  Big wide circles of prayer.

So much love.

On Prayer, and a Poem

Today, the Gratitude List first, and then the poem.  Today’s Gratitude List is both gratitude and prayer.  Two people in my circles are currently on ventilators fighting for their breath, for their lives.  This is one of those times when the impetus of prayer rests on the shoulders of whole communities, when the feeling of the web that connects us all is so real it is almost physically palpable.  That’s the first one:
1.  The awareness of and atunement to the praying hearts of others, this bond, this web.  Returning again and again throughout the day to that open, listening, waiting, connecting state of prayer and energy and light, of dropped and open awareness (as Starhawk calls it).  It is hard work, but it is a place of great grace.  The heart opens, and opens, and opens.
2. For those fragile and powerful bags, the lungs, that carry our breath into rivers, to tiny deltas, spreading outward like roots to feed us with breath.  The Breath of Life, in so many religious traditions, is the Divine One breathing into the human being. . .in-spir-ation. . .re-spir-ation.  May healing air fill their lungs.
3.  The knowingness of our bodies, how we breathe without thinking, how it comes as naturally as life.  May their bodies remember that work and take it up so that they may return home soon to their families.  Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
4.  The resilience of the brain.  We know how fragile it is, but today we focus our hearts and hopes on its resilience, its ability to heal, to develop, even after trauma.  And gratitude, too, for the protective armor of the skull.
5.  I am grateful for sleep: I wish for them sleep, for healing rest, for the two who are struggling to breathe, for the mothers who must carry their own anxiety as well as that of their children, for the little ones.

Breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.

<Prompt 20: Write a poem titled, “Always (blank)”>

Always

After we had buried the little hen
in a nest of soft grasses
between the roots of the old walnut tree
on the hill, sifting soil over the red feathers,
we looked around for rocks to cover the spot.

For a moment we considered
the stone that has always been there,
perched atop the last remaining locust post
that held up the electric fence that kept a pair
of hillside steers from wandering,
years before we ever came to this place.

We saw it there that day we first walked these hills,
looking across the patchwork valley,
across the bowl of the gently spreading hollow
and considered whether we could call it home.
Placed by some previous farmer’s hand,
carelessly, perhaps, or deliberately: this belongs here.

That stone has witnessed winters and thaws
and crackling summer heat,
the tractor trundling past by day,
and the patter of fox feet at night, fleeting
down the hill to cross the stream by moonlight.
The eagle flies above it, and the chickadee,
and mockingbird perches there to tell his histories.

A herd of silent deer will sometimes stand
next to the stone on the post
to catch the messages in scents
that waft down the ridge in the breeze.

It is touched by the glow
of light from the fire circle,
where it presides over murmurs and laughter,
singing and chanting, stories and dancing,
the gathering of friendship by firelight.

We gathered other rocks that afternoon
to mark the spot where the little hen lay
nestled among sweet grasses under earth.
The sentinel rock remains on its post.

2013 November 124

Assignment: Write a Love Poem

<Prompt: Two-fer–Write a love poem and/or an anti-love poem>

This poem says it wants to be about love.
What can I say about love
that hasn’t already been said
a thousand times,
a thousand ways?

We all know the dangers.
Here, take my heart, this crystal orb,
and hold it carefully, we say
to any scoundrel who strolls by.

Why are we always so shocked, so
shattered, when we see the scattered pieces,
the remnants strewn about?

Look into that orb, your own.
Find fury there, and hate.
Find despair and rage.
Then tell me, my friend,
when you settle into their abode,
if they are not often
simply other words for love.

The purest fury, the
most white-hot rage,
the seizing grief:
most of these would cease to be
were they not born of deepest love.

No, hate is not the opposite of love,
I say.  Love’s opposite is apathy.

So then, take heart.
Let not dismay dismay you.
That which hurts you hurts you
because your heart is deep and full,
so full, of devotion to that which you love.

2013 November 092

Gratitude List:
1.  Packing herbs at Radiance: Burdock and Dandelion roots, hyssop, pulmonaria, codonopsis, marshmallow root, spearmint, peppermint, mullein leaf, and the ever-popular damiana
2.  The new stones at the shop: Apache tears, spirit quartz, bright pink rhodonite, dream quartz, kambaba jasper, a giant smoky quartz point
3.  Lancaster City at sunset, from five stories up in the parking garage.  And the moment when the world begins to turn from violet to indigo.
4.  Listening to Layne Redmond’s Invoking Aphrodite on the drive home, toward that sparkling flower that is Venus, which is Aphrodite’s other name.  Am I going Van Gogh, or was there a bright golden ring around her this evening?
5.  Ellis’s un-self-conscious chuckle

So much Love.

Forget What I Said Before

<Prompt 18: Write a Forget What I Said Before poem>  Quick little poem tonight.

Forget what I said before, about the round orange moon,
but remember the one about your heart being the fire of the sun.
Forget what I said before, about the wind in the tree,
but remember the one about your voice being the healing breeze.
Forget what I said before, about the dream of finding scattered gold,
but remember the one about your sparkling eyes at noon.
Forget what I said before, about the soft feathers of a contented hen,
but remember the one about how the light shimmers in your hair.

Gratitude List:
1.  All my wonderful photographer friends on FB.  I love the beautiful images that you post.  My day is always so much richer for them.
2.  Hope for healing for friends in critical condition.  The gift of spending a day in prayer and hope, of sending energy when there is nothing else to do.
3.  Clean laundry.
4.  This image: This morning before school, Jon and I glanced into the living room, where the boys were sitting side-by-side next to the fish tank, both paging through books, both humming and muttering to themselves. 
5.  Moving inward.

May we walk in Beauty!

Five Sacred Elements

<Prompt 17: Write an element poem>

I call upon the air,
the breezy inspirations,
the winds that bring ideas,
that cut through the muddle
like a sword of sharp steel.

I call upon the fire,
the passion that ignites,
creative force that excites
the Muse and drives
the enterprise, the energy
that awakens the spirit.

I call upon the water,
deep peace and dream seeking,
realm of the heart, and
keeper of intuitions.
The flow and the flood,
the ocean around us.

I call upon the earth,
the ground of our being,
the rocks and the stones,
the caves, and the bones
of the ancestors.

I call upon center,
great mystery and spirit,
the hub and the wheel,
the home and the fulcrum,
the life-force, the bringer
of balance and union.

Gratitude List:
1.  That lunch.  Wow.  Good friends, never enough time for conversation, food from all over the world.
2.  Lifetime friends.
3.  Good singing
4.  Old Turtle
5.  Feathers.  No, stones.  Both.

May we walk in Beauty.

The First Impossible Task

<Prompt 16:  Write a Half-Way Poem>  Another half-started poem.  I don’t know where to take it, and my brain has hit the wall.  I think I tried to take on too big a myth for a quick poem, but here it is, based on the story of Vasilisa the Brave and Baba Yaga.  But first, one of my favorite pictures of Baba Yaga, by Ivan Bilibin:

Bilibin._Baba_Yaga

It looks like she’s caught you, Little One.
No don’t scream or try to run.
You can’t escape her now,
and you owe her those three impossible tasks,
or your heart on a plate while you try.

Dust!  Cook!  Sweep!  And cook some more!
You won’t be halfway done before
the old hag comes swooping into the clearing.
And you’ve not even begun with the sorting,
grain by grain, good from the bad.

What is this task to teach you?
How quickly and how well
can you find the good wheat?
Does it require patience or will?
Stick to the plan and you’re certain to fail.
Who are your helpers?
What are the gifts that you carry
in the pockets of your apron?

The bright rider bolts across the clearing
and the day is halfway gone.
Listen, Little One,
to the voices in the wind.
Feel your mother’s heartbeat
in the rhythm of your own hands.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  Light.  Reflected, refracted, refreshing.
2.  Carnelian and Tiger Iron
3.  That orange orb of the sun setting behind me.
4.  That pale pink orb of the moon rising ahead of me.
5.  And in between, that pulsing orb of my own heart expanding ever outward.

May we walk in Beauty.

What Is My Name?

<Prompt 15: Take the phrase “What _____,” fill in the blank, and use it as the title of the poem>  I am stuck on this initiation-poem track.  I guess that’s not a bad thing.  This one’s not so much about a fairy tale, but is connected to a story that I have always found compelling.  Jacob, the main character, is a greedy, self-aggrandizing, conniving, megalomaniac scoundrel.  He’s had his lovely epiphanies, and still he hasn’t changed.  I don’t actually like him very much, but that’s okay.  Sometimes I don’t like me very much either.

He is on the run from his furious brother–who has every right in the world to be seeking vengeance, and one night, all alone, finds himself suddenly wrestling with a stranger in the dark.  The stranger realizes he cannot overpower Jacob, so he knocks Jacob’s thigh out of joint.  Jacob still won’t let his adversary go–“Not until you bless me!”  What is it with this guy and his demand for blessings?  His brother wants him dead because Jacob stole his own family birthright blessing, and now here he is, out in the wilderness, wrestling with a stranger for a blessing.  I sort of like the gall of that.

Yes, the stranger blessed him in the end, gave him a whole new name.  No, it didn’t seem to change him much.  He continued to be rascally and greedy, and he passed on the family curse of favoritism to his own 12 sons.

 

This time it wasn’t angels riding
up and down their golden escalator.
No happy hallelujahs,
no floodgates of heaven
opening for my vision alone.

This time the angel took on gravity,
grabbed and held me,
wrestled me to the ground.

The angel’s grip was like steel,
like iron, like feathers, ice cold air.
But I’ve been running my whole life.
I wasn’t about to let some angel
keep me from getting away
and getting my way.

I have been limping ever since,
from the touch on my thigh,
but still I wouldn’t let the angel go.

“Not until you bless me.
Not until you tell me,
until you tell me my name.”

And here I am,
building altars in the dawn,
and tasting those new sounds
in my throat, on my lips.

2013 November 082

Gratitude List:
1.  Harvesting potatoes and carrots today with an earnest and energetic bunch of third graders from the Waldorf School.
2.  Hot showers
3.  Going down to Columbia town to shop with my sweetie.  How many years has it been since we two have gone off somewhere to run errands?  It was almost like a date.
4.  There’s a murmuration in the hollow.
5.  A gentle family ceremony for the burial of a little red hen.  We buried her in a nest of dried grasses with a handful of feed and the bright shiny quartzite I found in the potato patch today.  The starlings kept flying through the trees with a wheep and a whoosh, and the near-full moon rose high.

Blessings on the Roots.

More Advice from Aunt Eliza

<Prompt 14:  Write a poem of Exploration>  This is yesterday’s poem–I was too tired last night to wait for my turn at the computer.  I can’t get out of the fairy tales.

It doesn’t always have to be so,
but it seems to be the way things go:

When the sunny trail ends at that dead ash tree,
when the sweet-scented grasses turn to brambles,
when the radiant butterfly flits into shadows
and out from behind the tree pads the wolf–

That is when the story really gets started.

Epiphany can be those shiny angels,
those glittering kings bearing gold,
but it also comes in shadows and cobwebs.

One day you are sleep-walking
through your dreamy life,
not paying attention to where the path leads,
and epiphany comes in the form of a crow,
calling your name from the topmost branch
of a lightning-struck oak.

Or you find the sweet cottage
but wake up surrounded by bears
or tossed head-first into the furnace.

Or an old woman in tatters and rags
swoops into the clearing, chattering,
demanding to know who you think you are,
demanding your service, your heart.

And that’s the key, isn’t it?
Who do you think you are, meddling in this story?
Can you give your whole heart to the process?
What are you doing here, in the heart of this forest,
this landscape of your life?
What is your real name?
Are you ready to fight for it?
To go on a quest, answer the riddle,
do the three impossible tasks,
risk your own dissolution, your death,
just to claim it as your own?

You thought you were so brave,
following the path to explore the woods,
though you’d been warned,
though your skin prickled,
though you knew the stories
of those who never returned.

Now is the time for bravery.
Now is the time for fierce
uncompromising joy.
Now the real exploration begins.

Gratitude List:
1.  That gentle cooing sound my hen Sunny made when I brought her down into a cage in the basement and gave her medicine water.  She  has been stoically enduring whatever is making her sick, but she perked up a little when she found herself in the hospital cage.
2.  New ventures.  Taking steps.
3.  This book: Nurturing the Soul of Your Family, by Renee Peterson Trudeau
4.  The dream I had last night that brought back to mind another book someone recommended to me weeks ago, but which I had forgotten to look up.
5.  My boys’ excitement at the wheat grass and lettuce shoots coming up in the pots on the fish tank.

May we walk courageously in our forests.