Tying Up Loose Ends

Day 81:

I have been thinking a lot lately about my younger self, the teenager Beth, who was loud and chatty and attention-seeking, who even in the loud and talkative moments was a little bit asleep, already subverting her desires. 

What was the spindle she pricked her finger on? What was the tower she fled to? Was it hormones? Was it religion? Was it the desperate search to be perceived by, to perform for, the gaze of others?

And then today I read the headline by an Elayne Kalila: “Perimenopause is Your Second Puberty,” and even before I read it, I’m feeling that. Deeply. And maybe not just Peri, but the Meno that follows. And I’m aware how the eyes I perform for now are my own. The tower I flee to isn’t for sleeping, but for fermenting the ideas within me. The spindle is the constant  craving to create. While the maiden fell asleep, the crone Awakens. Roaring. Great gratitude to the Goddess for this Second Puberty. I mean to make the most of it.

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