Breezes and Footprints

I

It was such a fine powder
that the shovel seemed like overkill
so I pulled out the leaf blower
and tethered myself to the garage
with the long orange extension cord.

In places it blew the fine particles away
from the tiny dimpled pads on a cat’s paw print
like an archaeologist’s brush,
leaving the faint foot print stubbornly intact
beside a stretch of black surface
where the heavily crushed tracks of the car
had flown away in my wind like flocks of white birds.

II

I can see clear pictures in my head
of things that happened long ago,
like catching crawcrabs in the creek
with my brother and his friends
the year I turned eight.

I can still smell the bullfrogs
that had grown from tadpoles
in my friend Jenelle’s aquarium
the summer I turned nine.

I can still taste the custard apples
we picked from the wild space
behind our house in Shirati when I was six.

I can still hear the hoot of a hyena
way off in the distance
on cool Tanzanian nights when I was five.

I cannot recall what I ate for supper last week,
nor what I told you about my journey
when I saw you at Christmas,
and I cannot remember why
I stood up just now and walked
into the other room.

What forces determine which pieces
will remain frozen to the surface,
and which will be blown away?

Why do some delicate paw prints
of the long-ago past continue
to tiptoe through my memories
while whole chunks
of yesterday’s heavy tire prints
whoosh away on the wind of time?

Yet others encounter opposing breezes
and drift back over time’s winds
to settle back in lacy veils
over the present moment.

III

What is the substance of memory?
I remember that I first met my grandmother
when I was three years old
just off the plane from Africa.
Is the image in my mind
my memory of that moment?
Or has it been blown there
by the breezes of story
told and retold in my family
of a child who ran into the arms
of a grandmother she had never met?
Perhaps it doesn’t matter.

And where now will it reside in my memory,
now that I have called it up into the present,
I who miss her so, who have a tender three-year-old
of my own, and tears in my eyes?

IV

These stories of memory are gifts
that we give to our children, saying,

You are who you are in this moment,
like this fresh landscape of new-fallen snow.
But also here in this moment you are who you were,
like the grass that stretches up through the powder.
And you are who you will be,
as the winds blow across,
constantly shifting the surface of things.

 

Prompt for Sunday

Thanks to Jodi Reinhart for the prompt today: Write a poem about the middle, about the anti-polarity.  Oooh!  You know you want to join me on this one.

 

Gratitude List:

1.  Reiki
2.  Angels everywhere
3.  The delight and focus of a 6-year-old who obsesses on a craft project
4.  Sun to melt the drive and roads to blackness
5. This:   2013 January

May we walk in beauty.

5 thoughts on “Breezes and Footprints

  1. I have no words to express how much I love this. I was pondering memory just the other night, wondering how our minds, our brains, store and connect and reconnect the fragments of our past, choosing what and when and how our history will surface.
    Thank you for giving us this gift or remembering.

    Michele

    Like

    • I am so glad that you like it, Michele! This one seemed to be out there in the snowy air waiting to be written down. I like the way you verbalize the idea of how we store memory. Such an interesting thing to ponder.

      Like

  2. First Snow

    I could wrap my arms around her then.
    She was small. Rocking chair, diapers.
    And as she grew, my arms got stronger—

    I could hold her even when
    she was not sure she wanted to be held.
    I could hold her closely enough

    to share my body heat, my dreams.
    I could slip her in and out of snowsuits
    and settle her gently into her father’s arms

    while I got the camera.
    It was her first snow.
    She did not know what to think

    of how soft, how very cold, her face
    a round echo of wonder and her eyes
    looking up at him, at me, at the cats

    on the porch who set their paws briefly
    down and then quickly washed them
    clean with gentle, rough tongues.

    The love that fills my chest
    when I see his face we can no longer
    touch gazing down at her, his arms

    wrapping her small body in warmth
    and her one small hand escaping
    the mittens again, the love that lives

    in her eyes when she knows
    simply, from this sight, how very much
    he loved her, this love, his love?

    This love is like surgery.
    It slices open my belly to remove
    my resistance and sews me back up

    with thousands of stitches,
    sends me to bed to heal.
    I rest there a while, aching,

    wishing for more medicine,
    some painkiller that would truly take
    this away. But the only remedy

    I can find is to look again, and again,
    her big eyes looking back at me
    and his gaze turned to her, sheltering

    these fragile beginnings, her first
    smile, her first step, her first leap
    into the unknown without him.

    This love is like scissors
    that could cut the cord holding her to me
    and slice open her swaddling clothes,

    lay her back
    on my belly
    where she once grew.

    Like

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