I’m trying to work on the self-talk. You know, those things we tell ourselves that begin to loop around in our heads until they start to control our visions of ourselves. I’m not immune to the tendency to call myself an idiot when I do something I wish I hadn’t, or to look in the mirror and think mean thoughts about the body I see there, but these aren’t currently affecting my self awareness particularly negatively. The one that I find has become an almost verbal mantra in recent weeks (months? years?) is, “I’m so tired.” I AM tired.
How self-defeating is that, though? Isn’t that a deadly downward spiral? I’m tired, so I tell myself I’m tired, so I get more tired, and soon I am coasting into a pit. Hmm. Let’s add a touch of insomnia to that. Now anxiety feeds the spiral and I’m speeding faster down the hill. I’ll have a little sugary pick-me-up, and that helps for a moment or two, but then I crash further, faster, and it takes more to bring me up to baseline.
Perhaps I need to get more iron, more rest, more time for meditation. But none of those things will be long-term help, I think, unless I can change the way I talk to myself, unless I can start noting also the times when I feel energized and awake, noticing how it feels in my body to be alert and full of energy.
1. Venus. How she shines!
2. Broccoli and cheese.
3. Helpful self-talk.
4. Naomi Shihab Nye’s poetry.
5. The hot shower I am about to take.
May we walk in Beauty!