How He Sees Himself

How he sees himself
How he sees himself. (The children have been experimenting with the Dreamscope app.)

Today is going to be a departure.  I’m going to post a recipe.  The idea was that I was going to use whatever I could find from our farm share extras table to make a pasta dish, and I wanted to use up the leftover bechamel sauce from an experiment.  I think you could easily mix and match whatever veggies you have on the counter or in the freezer.  This is a good way to work with the veggies in a CSA share. Had I know that someone would leave their broccoli share, I would have added some of that, too.  The only vegetable that did not come from Goldfinch Farm was the onion, which was an aromatic and juicy vidalia.  I have been chopping my vegetables quite finely lately, because the children find it more of a bother to push them to the sides when we are eating.

Jon has been buying hearty pastas: orecchiette and casareese have been our favorites.  I chose the casareese for last night’s supper, but any favorite pasta would do, I think.  I did like the sturdiness of this pasta in last night’s dinner.

It takes three different pans, which is the biggest drawback to this, but they all cleaned up quickly. The process sounds a little complicated, but it did not take long.

Here is what I used:
2 Tbsp. butter, for sauteeing vegetables (you could use your oil of choice instead)
1 onion, chopped
1/4 tsp. cumin (or whatever amount you want)
2 red peppers, finely chopped (green would do)
1 generous handful green beans, chopped
2 summer squash, chopped (I used one green and one yellow)
salt, pepper

2 garlic scapes, minced (garlic cloves would work, too)
2 Tbsp. butter
2 Tbsp. flour (I used white bread flour for this)
2 c. milk (I tend to use less milk than it calls for)
3/4 c. cheddar cheese, grated
salt, pepper
dash of chili powder
dash of paprika
leaves of three sprigs of fresh basil, minced

1 box casareese pasta (or another favorite)

Large handful of cherry tomatoes, halved (we use sungolds, or chopped fresh large tomatoes would work, too)

Chop and prepare veggies.
Cook the pasta according to directions. While the water is heating, begin cooking the veggies.

In a large, sturdy frying pan, heat butter. When bubbly, add onion.  Sprinkle on a bit of salt, and cook until fragrant and almost translucent.  Add peppers and cumin.  Stir and cook a minute longer.  Add green beans and continue cooking on fairly low temp.  When green beans are softening, add squash, and cook until squash is just beginning to wilt.

For sauce, heat 2 Tbsp. butter in a small pan until bubbly.  Add garlic scapes, and stir until aromatic but not scorched. Add a little salt and pepper. Add flour to absorb the butter, and cook on low temp until it turns a gentle beige.  Slowly add milk, stirring after each quarter cup or so, smoothing and thickening at each step.  When all the milk has been smoothed in and sauce is thickening, stir in the chili powder and paprika, then the basil.  Turn off the burner, and fold in the cheese until it is melted throughout.

Toss pasta and vegetables with sauce.  Top each serving with several halved cherry tomatoes.

Gratitude List:
1. Bats! Flitting around in the gloaming, eating up those mosquitos.  Bats. They have changed their roosting spot this year, and I haven’t been able to see them almost daily like I have for the past couple summers.  But they’re still here.
2. Mimosa trees.  The colors keep coming.  I always think of Dr. Seuss when I see a mimosa tree in bloom.  I think the faeries are particularly fond of mimosa trees.  I know the pollinators are, and perhaps that’s the same thing.
3. Pollinators.  I have been sighing at the loss of the honeybee hives this year.  Both hives died out over the winter, and because we had initially planned not to farm this year, we did not rent another set.  I have noticed the scarcity of the Little Sisters this season.  Still, there are many others pollinators, busy in the flowers and the fields, happily abuzz.
4. Wings, feathers, flying things.  Which is to say, healing, on its way to so many whom I love.
5. The Dreammaker.  I think I will make a new doll to personify the dream-vision process.

May we walk in Beauty!

Listen

cairns

Gratitude List:
1. Kitchen work.  I don’t consider myself to be particularly cheffy, though I like to eat and occasional experimentation in the kitchen can get the creative juices flowing.  I have been getting meals ready to freeze for a family trip, and I have been loving puttering about in the kitchen, making this dough and that filling, and testing sauces.  Yesterday I started using the word bechamel. I just may become insufferable.
2. Sitting out on the front porch reading with snuggly kiddos.  This is overlaid on my memories of sitting on the front porch of the house on Ann Street in Philippi, West Virginia, snuggling up to my own mother as she read to us.  May these boys continue to layer such memories themselves in some distant future.
3. Water.  I just take it so much for granted.  Open a tap, and fresh, clean water pours out.  We drink spring water here in the hollow, and it is some of the best water I have ever tasted, almost wild. May the waters all run free.  May everyone have access to good, clean water.
4. There are sane and wise voices out there, even in the political realm.  You may have to listen carefully amid the clamor, but there are sane and wise perspectives here and there.  (I am struggling to hold on to this one, but I have to.)
5. You.  You’re steady.  You’re thoughtful.  You look at things with clear and wise eyes. As long as I know you’re out there, caring and tending and watching with me, I can keep up hope.  Here we go: we’ve got this day at least!

May we walk in Beauty!

Crossing Bridges

Peppers

Gratitude List:
1. Summertime suppers.  Everything is based on the veggie of the moment.
2. Working together. Just before sunset, all four of us went up into the fields to transplant brassicas under a glorious Michelangelo sky.
3. Dream fragments.  I woke with this phrase in my head: “You have been chosen to be the caretaker of this tree for the time that you are here.”  Try as I might, I cannot remember the context, cannot pull out the fleetingest of images, cannot see who said this.
4. Bridges.  To recovery. To hope.  To new strength. To the other side of the terrifying chasm.  To the each other. Keep crossing them.  Keep building and fortifying them.  Keep believing in them.
5. How a little phrase will capture and hold the attention of the inner eye: beloved community, furious opposites, the interior castle.  How they ring like bells in the inner consciousness, saying: Pay attention now.  Think on this thing.

May we walk these bridges together, in Beauty.

Stargazer

stargazer
Nancy’s stargazer lily will not let you enter the house without Noticing.  She shines in the sun, and her scent grabs you and holds you. I think she likes the backdrop of Nancy’s purple step rail.

Bean Patch Yoga

We will call this asana the suspended downward dog.
Bend at the hips.  Keep your back as straight as you can.
Sweep the bush to the left.
Pick. Breathe. Toss.
To the right.  Pick-breathe-toss.
Shuffle forward, keeping your core muscles tight.
Sweep left-pick-breathe-toss.  Right-pick-breathe-toss.
Shuffle-pick-breathe, shuffle-pick-breathe.
Stop. Drop your arms,
and roll upward slowly,
vertebra by vertebra,
breathing in on a count of eight.
Breathe out and in, slowly, carefully.
Breathe into your back muscles.
Repeat this asana one hundred times.

Gratitude List:
1. Pounding rain
2. Last night, my dreams took me back to Africa and childhood
3. Stargazer lily
4. Synchronicity: In a conversation with a stranger, she spoke of her friendly and caring neighborhood.  Suddenly we were talking about people we know in common.
5. Feathers.  One Small Boy has begun to join me on the daily Noticing of feathers.  “Mom!  Here’s your feather for today!”  Every day.

May we walk in Beauty!

Watch Out for the Gremlins!

clash
Here is a little bit of a thought experiment I am doing on myself: My mother gave me this visually delicious bouquet of lisianthus yesterday.  I put it on the table with my bowl of prayer stones.  I’ve made my peace with orange/pink combinations and learned to really savor the complexity.  Instead of this image being jarring, I find it full of energy and life. Still, I hesitated to post it because I have a feeling that it’s sort of socially unacceptable.  Funny, isn’t it?  Even posting a photo of a pink flower on an orange backdrop makes some little gremlin in the back of my head start to chatter about being judged.  Those are the sorts of gremlins I am trying to weed out–they pop up in the strangest of situations.

Gremlins like this can be pretty insidious, and we don’t always know we are responding to them. This was a fairly innocuous one–easy to identify and easy to quash, but it’s not always that way. Powerful little critters, they weasel into the subconscious workings of the brain, and jump out to convince us that we look really ridiculous or that everyone is going to think that comment just now was completely stupid.  They get really insidious because they start working the other way, too.  They make us care so much about what other people are thinking of us, that we start to judge other people on their crazy criteria.

Part of learning to be whole, learning to be awake, part of walking toward wisdom, is to name the gremlins along with the blessings.  This one that I am looking at is a petty little fiend, and I am a little embarrassed to show him to you, but there he is.  (Next one’ll be a she, I promise. I think she might even be hiding within these parentheses.)  Now to pull out my magic wand and banish socialus awkwardus. . .at least for the time being.

Isn’t that pink flower on an orange background just sort of invigorating?

Gratitude List:
1. Lisianthus
2. The ongoing discussion yesterday, about despair/hope, about holding the furious opposites together, about paradox.
3. My parents, and their continuing dedication to engaging the hard questions, to inviting new conversation.
4. The poets.  All of them, always.  Today: Rilke and Rumi and Oriah Mountain Dreamer.
5. A fresh week.  A clean page.  A shining moment of sunshine.  I can make anything of it that I choose.

May we walk in Beauty!

Interlocking Prayers

Ent
I want the strength and comfort of this tree these days.  She is one of the ent-folk, I am sure of that, with a gnarled and twisted trunk and veils of leaves.

Oh, Turkey! Friends, we have such a big bowl of hurt to hold these days.
It helps if we all hold it together, I think.
Interlock our prayers like fingers, like bright threads.
This one for Turkey,
this for Nice,
that for your friend who is caught in a cycle of despair,
this for my friend who is waiting for her new heart,
for our cousins and companions who are anxious and worried
as they tend to their loved ones who are ill,
for those who lead us in the fight against racism every day,
for Baghdad, for Bangladesh, for Istanbul again.
For those baby birds who are fledging.
I will add some bright stones that I found in the bean patch today,
some feathers that found me on my walk,
the bright yellow faces of toadflax.
Will you add your rainbow, your twinkling eyes, your hopeful smile?

Gratitude List:
1. (What has awakened you?) Keeping my heart focused on the Noticing, in inner and outer worlds.  Also, laughter.
2. (How have you encountered Mystery?) In the calling of the young red-tail–the cycle of life always continues.
3. (What has given you cause for wonder?) Watching children create ideas in their heads and then make them with their hands.
4. (What has nudged you forward?) The constancy of work to be done, in many different places.  Learning to juggle the work.
5. (What do you offer the day?) More holding, more noticing, more listening.  Laughter.  I will find laughter in the day.  Also, twinkling eyes–I will seek out twinkles.

May we walk in Beauty!

Walking and Striving

lisianthus
Lisianthus–I think I have posted it before, but I love this flower in my parents’ garden.

Gratitude List:
1. Goldfinches (yes, they were on here recently)–Usually when I imagine that I can fly, I am a hawk or an eagle, sailing high with a long view. Or a crow, battling winds with a fierce wildness.  But were I a goldfinch, I would dance down sunbeams on my imaginary roller coaster–up and up, then coast, up again, and coast–golden in the sun’s golden.  And sing for joy.
2. My nieces and nephews.  They just keep being wonderful people.  Two of them visited yesterday, and we had a great conversation, hearing about their recent travels.  I love these people.
3. Morning walk.  It does make it harder to get up.  I do not like to exert myself in the mornings.  I like to wake up slowly.  But this old dog needs to try some new tricks, and I like the walking, and the being done walking.
4. Organizing.  Yesterday I went through the boxes and bags of files that I brought home to use or recycle as I get ready for fall classes.  One step closer. . .  I am beginning to get excited about the next season of school.  (But I am still planning to thoroughly enjoy the next few weeks of waking up after 6 and not having a scheduled day.)
5. Striving.  I think I am sort of good enough at many of the things that I do, and enthusiasm perhaps goes a long way toward making thing work out okay–but I have a lot of tweaks and improvements to make in many areas of my life.  I am glad that I don’t have to be perfect, that I get to keep trying, to keep trying to fix things up and do better.  As the journey itself is the destination, the striving–not the perfecting–is the work.

May we walk in Beauty!

Hello, Toadflax!

psychedelicrainbow
The other night when I was desperately trying to take a photo of the rainbow that would come even close to portraying the bright colors, I went through every funky filter on my phone.  This one came out really odd, but I like the psychedelic feel of it.  It’s kind of like a poem–it might not capture the physical reality of the moment, but the strangeness of the impression actually creates more the magical mood of the moment than the blander regular photos.

I have begun walking in the mornings.  I almost hesitate to say it, because it’s only been three days, hardly long enough to call it a habit.

Gratitude List:
1. Birdsong.  Swallows chittering.  Crow barking out directions. Sweet chirrup of goldfinch. A flock of swallows circled above the soybean field up near Mt. Pisgah Road, and one in particular sang a cheep-cheep, cheep-cheep, cheep-cheep.  Then it would swoop low, look me in the face, and say CHEEP-cheep right by my ear.  I find it amazing that something so tiny would take on a creature so much larger than itself.
2. Sun on flower faces.  There’s a yellow snapdragony-looking beauty that I have been calling butter-and-eggs.  Apparently that is actually one of its common names.  I must have pulled it out of deep memory.  Its Latin name is linaria vulgaris, and it is also known as Common Toadflax.  I love that so much, that we have a local plant called Toadflax.  Pleased to meet you, new friend.  Also, Queen Anne’s Lace veils the road edges, and the blue eye of chicory is everywhere.  Little patches of St. John’s Wort peek out from the poison oak.  The yellow bladders of jewelweed flowers are beginning to appear.
3. Cool breezes on the skin at the beginning of another hot day.  Warm sun on my face.
4. The scent of milkweed.  Milkweed a-buzz with pollinators, sending its aroma down the little breezes into the hollow.
5. Cold water infused with lemon, mint and basil.

May we walk in Beauty!

May You Have Rainbows

Rainbow

It was one of the brightest rainbows I think I have ever seen, but a cell phone photo just can’t do it justice.  There was a second rainbow in the space of this photo, and the deeper band of gray between them.

Gratitude List:
1. Yesterday’s shining double rainbow
2. The way mist gathers in the pockets of trees in the hillsides
3. St. John’s Wort.  I found some wild patches of it along my street, and on this morning’s walk, I dug some up to bring home for my garden.
4. Lemon, Mint, and Basil infused water
5. The Weaving that we all are doing, not always aware as we place our threads how we are intertwining our stories and prayers together.

May we walk in Beauty!  Much love.  And rainbows.

My Candidate

josiah for president
Finally, a candidate I can really support!

Gratitude List:
1. Co-thinking discussions.  I love conversations in which the unstated premise is that you are taking the information or idea offered by the other/s and building upon it or re-interpreting it in your words, then leaving your piece out there for someone else to mold and shape and build upon.  I always feel like I come away from such conversation with a deeper understanding of the world than I went in.
2. Just doing the tourist thing.  We spent yesterday morning with friends being tourists in Lancaster County.  Despite the “touristiness,” it was fun to watch people and to consider what about this place makes people want to come here.  I love Lancaster County.
3. Those phoebe babies getting ready to fledge from the forebay rafters.  Nobody can look madder than a baby bird.
4. Moving into the next stage of summer.  There was the finishing up and recovery time, and then the relax a bit and play time.  Now comes the get down to business time.  It’s true that the second year of teaching in a new place is easier than the first.  It is also true that the difference can be sort of minimal.  But now, preparing for my third year, I feel much more energized for the preparations.  I can see the planning all mapped out in my head much more clearly, as opposed to simply hopefully.
5. We are not alone.  The world gets so heavy sometimes, but it’s at the heavy times that you can look around you and see all the people who are stepping out to the front to get the Work done. Sure, there’s a lot of fluffy and ranty clamor that distracts, but keep your eyes and ears open.  They’re there, stepping into the fray, holding people, presenting clear and thoughtful ideas, loving their neighbors and the world.  Often, they’re keeping their mouths shut, though sometimes they are the ones writing cogent and articulate pieces that help to shape the conversation.  Listen and watch.  The Workers are out there.

May we walk in Beauty!