Roots and Lune (or, A Lune in June)

 Welcome to the renovated Mockingbird Chronicles!Roots

Not a particularly interesting photo to inaugurate my new blog design, I know, and Google Collage randomized the pics, so it doesn’t automatically show the process.  Still, this is a project I want to document.  On Monday (Solstice), I went to my friend Sarah’s house and dug up a burdock.  I planted it out in the woods’ edge where it should help to break up the clay.  I took a piece of the root, and then harvested some curly dock root and some dandelion root.  In the bottom center, the roots are all washed and waiting to be peeled (curly dock top left, burdock bottom left, and dandelion to the right).  Right center: Peeled.  I let them dry overnight, and the next morning Jon said what I was thinking: “They look like bones.”  Burdock is top left, dandelion top right, and curly dock is in the bottom right.  The bottom left photo shows them in their jars after about four hours in the dryer (dandelion and curly dock on left, burdock on right). Now for tea.

Today’s prompt is to write a lune, which is sort of haiku-like, and can be on any subject.  It’s a syllable-count poem of 5/3/5.  These tiny lines of two or three (as in lune and cinquain) are really challenging.  I might try some of these that break the line endings, but I have a feeling that there needs to be a purposeful ending to break up the longer lengths.  It might be interesting to do a series of lune and haiku, interspersing them.  And a lune, of course, is moon-shaped, so it might be interesting to take the sense of that instead of the specific directions and do a 7/5/3/5/7, or even a 9/7/5/3/5/7/9.  Oooh.  The possibilities!

Harbor the wildness.
Look around.
Settle into green.

Gratitude List:
1. Shakti energy.  That is to say, the will and the fire to find the way and to dive in to the process.
2. The roadside flowers of late June: always Queen Anne’s Lace, Chicory, and Day Lily, but also Buttercup, Sweet Melilot, Hag’s Taper, and lavender bubbles of Vetch.
3. This question for pondering: What is your greatest joy?  I want to make sure that one category of my questions is about joy.  What brings you joy in this moment?  What memory brings you joy?  What will you do for yourself today to bring joy to yourself (or others)?  (Thank you, Miss Jan.)
4. Yoga.  Stretching the spine, balancing, breathing–they’re so much more than the simple acts of stretch and balance and breath.  Those are words that fill other spaces and other meanings throughout the day.
5. Date night tonight!  I don’t know when we last planned a date for just us. I feel so adult.

May we walk in Beauty!

Little Sisters at Work

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The Garden at Herbs from the Labyrinth.  The Little Sisters are happy in their work, and a baby elephant (Ganesha?) helps to keep the order of the labyrinth.

Odd dreams last night after I finally got back to dozing post-insomnia.  My cell phone appeared for the first time in my dreams.  I needed it to take pictures on the beach.  And I dreamed that my younger sister Valerie was actually older than I am and that we had another younger sister with a very different temperament than any of the rest of us.

The Poetry Prompt for today is to write a memory poem.
Here is a picture of me and Suzy and Jennifer before Jennifer went to America for repairs:
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On the Lakeshore I could look out and see
distant America where my grandparents
sat over breakfast every day thinking of me
in their light-filled Victorian house
with the wooden banisters and sliding doors.

Jennifer, my doll with the golden hair
who had gone to America to be repaired
sat on their table and dined with them
longing for the day she would be home with me
and Ed Bear and Suzy in her red dress
who I carried under my arm.

Gratitude List:
1. Wise women.  Yesterday’s encounters with Phyllis, with Sarah and Julia.  If I had a daughter, I would send her to Sense of Wonder Camp.
2. Watching and listening to the bees, the Little Sisters, hard at work in the garden, zzzing through sunbeams like liquid light itself.
3. This rain, this moon, this strawberry rhubarb pie.
4. The will to begin.  And there’s an odd gratitude hidden under the rug of those words.  I am grateful for last night’s insomnia. During these bouts my brain functions in a circular fashion.  I am neither wholly asleep nor wholly awake.  I have a project hoard that has been feeling weighty, and last night my brain brought me back again and again to the question of whether the creative thought of someday getting to this work is a good thing, or whether it’s just another stress.  Last night when my mind circled back around to it, I started to imagine my life without this project in it, and I felt such a great relief.  I am going to have some big bags for Re-Uzit this week.  Ah, relief.
5. Burdock, curly dock, dandelion (sounds like a new version of duck, duck, goose)–I have roots of all three plants on my counter.  Today I will grate them and then dry them in the food processor, and use them in teas.  Researching them brought me again to some researches on wild greens, particularly two varieties of wild lettuce that grow on the farm.  I might start experimenting with them a little.

May we walk in Beauty!

Longest Day

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Happy Solstice!
Here we are at the longest day, the shortest night, the time of fire and of rampant growth.
Where do you find your fire?
This is the pollywog season, when the water creatures grow legs and arms and begin their movement onto the earth.
What is the force that spurs you toward action and change and transformation, that enables you to become a creature of more than one element?

May this cycle be fruitful for you.
May the sun bring you the transformation and direction you seek.
May you green, may you grapple and grasp, may you grow.

I did not post a poem yesterday–my pint-sized party planner was up early and demanding help with the Father’s Day preparations.  Here, for yesterday and this morning, both, is a Cinquain. a syllable-count poem of five lines: 2/4/6/8/2, and a rhyme scheme of ababb, abaab, or abccb.  I chose the third rhyme pattern.

Evolve Love

Evolve.
We grow. We move.
We struggle to transform.
We walk together through the storm.
We love.

Gratitude List:
1. That moon, right?
2. Here comes the sun
3. Gina Sue’s red Russian kale.  How that will nourish me this week!
4. A little morning solitude.
5. Now the summer really begins.

May we find our fire.  May we walk in Beauty!

The Courageous Don’t Lose Their Fear

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I  have been taking two incredible seminars at Messiah College this week, under their School for the Humanities.  The one course was focused on a semiotic response to Harper Lee’s Go Set a Watchman.  I have enjoyed it for many reasons, not least of which is the philosophical survey review, from Sausurre to Derrida to Bakhtin among others, philosophers whose work I have appreciated in years past, but who have slid off my radar.  I appreciate how these thinkers are as applicable to this historical moment as they are to literary theory.

Sausurre theorized about how we are all embedded in our own culturally-generated worlds of perceptions, and how these worlds (he called them langue) are defined and marked by signs and symbols that further enculturate us and embed us within their realities.  This kind of talk is fairly easy for someone who comes out of a Mennonite context and has spent her life trying to think through the signs of her Mennonite sub-culture and how those signs are transformed (or rejected) as the individual grows and Becomes.  Dr. Downing, the professor, kept saying–If you want to change someone’s mind, you can’t just tell them differently, you have to change their signs.  Or perhaps get them to look at different signs. This was a powerful statement in terms of Sausurre’s philosophy, which can tend to see the individual as static, so permanently situated within cultural contexts that change is virtually impossible.

Derrida, in particular, reacted against the binary nature of Sausurre’s philosophy, proposing that rebellion against the binary is simply a reinforcement of it, switching the dominant for the secondary binary.  For example, a child who reacts to the parents’ binary belief in the evils of cigarettes by choosing to smoke is only reinforcing the parents’ binary view, not escaping it (I am going to maintain my particular binary that asks my children and students to look on cigarette smoking as unhealthy).  To change systemic perceptions, then, becomes a matter not of flipping the binary, but of escaping it–or, to use Derrida’s words, of deconstructing the binary.

In terms of some of my own current rebel rages, I wonder how we can culturally begin to deconstruct some of our weighty binaries.  Today, I am acutely aware of the issue of gun control in our country.  I think that most of us who would like to see AR-15s and their ilk off the streets are trying to deconstruct the binary that the NRA keeps trying to enforce with an incredibly effective campaign of signs and symbols.  The NRA claim that it’s a dire binary–either there is no gun control whatsoever or Obama is coming to take all your guns away–has been effective beyond any sense of logic.  If you take a breath and look at the true story, most of us just want to deconstruct that binary.  Most control advocates I know, including myself, are not seeking to gut and destroy the Second Amendment.  We just want murderers to have less access to their weapons of choice.  Talking and raging about it has not broken through the fortress of illogical signs that the NRA has set up.  What signs do we need to develop and create in order to bring sense to this story?

My own response continues to be that we need to destroy the NRA.  I still think that, but I think that somehow we’ve got to be publicly deconstructing this binary in a way that reaches the most fearful buyers-in to the NRA lies, creating new signs that reach that set of people.  I don’t know how that happens, if the images of people gunned down by these machines of death have only produced further strengthening of the NRA’s positions.  But I know that it has to happen.  Now.

Today’s poetry prompt is to write a Place poem.  (I am skipping the Concrete poem for now because my grasp of the html/CSS/whatever coding is not strong enough to figure it out on this page.

Day 7 of All the Things I Wish I Had Said (While You Were Still Here)

It Is Always There

Every poem I ever write
will be about this green bowl,
set in the side of the ridge,
the way rains last for hours
after the clouds have passed
and the slow drip-drip
from laden leaves continues
as the mist dissipates.

It is there, even in the raging poems:
the alarm call of the wren, unspoken
perhaps, but present in the shadows
of the green leaves of my words,
or the cracking of a branch
and its fall through the wood,
or the wild rush of the creek
when it has overflown its banks.

In every word of comfort or blessing,
listen for the rustling of the breezes
over grassy patches filled with plantain,
with wild chamomile and clover.
Listen for the murmur of a bluebird,
for the silent and masterful weaving
of a spider at her careful work.

When I walk into the room of a poem,
it is always begins in this place,
with the wren and the crow
and the patient green.

Gratitude List:
1. Opening doors in the rooms of the head for new ways to conceptualize
2. Gentle rains
3. Dreams in which I am finding my way
4. A chance to chat with my sister yesterday
5. Grit, will determination

May we walk in Beauty!

Watching and Being Watched

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I came across these old photos yesterday, three random photos of different years tucked together into an envelope. Top: 2000, Middle: 2014, Bottom: 2006 (Bumblebee boots).

Day 4 of All the Things I Wish I Had Said (While You Were Still Here)
The Prompt is to write a couplet.  I am balking, but perhaps I should try.
***
Like a great oak tree, within your leafy heart
I see how you protectively conceal
your secret griefs. You stand apart
and only partially reveal

the aches and losses that have brought you low.
Be strong, my friend.  Some day you’ll let them go.
***

It’s hard to put things into rhyme, but satisfying, too.  I couldn’t find my way to a couplet until I hit those last two lines, and I feel as though the poem sounds more like an accusation than it is intended.  It is meant to be simply a way of saying, “I see that you are carrying your past pain with great determination.”  At first, I typed: “the aches and losses that have brought you down. / You wear them like a martyr’s crown,” which I think is poetically stronger than this, but it didn’t say what I wanted to say at all.

I want to keep working with couplets and rhymes.  I do not usually actively rhyme in my poetry, but I try to pay attention to the internal assonance and consonance within the lines, and trying to form a poem around a rhyme is a helpful exercise. I think it opens new processing pathways in the brain.

Gratitude List:
1. (Who did you see?) That soft-eyed curious doe who stood on Oriole Bluff behind the house and watched us watching her through the dining room window.  We did not climb the hill to see, but I have a hunch that she may have hidden a dappled child of shadow in the tall grasses up there.
2. (What was magical?) Fireflies like sparks, like stars, twinkling all around us.
3. (What was satisfying?) Making fire with the children, roasting marshmallows and hot dogs.  (This was the first that I have really craved meat in the past year, but Jon had bought some vegetarian “sausages” that were mostly sufficient to the moment.)
4. (What is energizing?) I will be finished with my grading by the evening.  It was hard, so hard, to get into it yesterday, and I fought it off by organizing papers and stacks from the year.  And now, those stacks are organized, and I am also almost finished with the grades.
5. (What do you anticipate?) Continuing to find the rhythms of summer.  I have a Teachers as Scholars seminar at Messiah College this week, so I cannot quite set up the new patterns, but I want to give parts of each day to preparing for the fall and to working on some writing projects.

May we walk in Beauty!

Pity Party

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Leonardo da Vinci cat sketches.

Dreams:
In one dream, I am looking at a pile of wooden bits and pieces, sort of frustrated at the mess, when I realize that it’s all the parts to a spinning wheel, and a really fine wheel at that.  All I have to do is put it together.  (I think I should get out my spindle this summer.)

In another dream, I standing outside with friends when there is a shimmering in the air nearby, like some tiny creature slipping through the veil between worlds.  “That’s a hummingbird!” someone says.  We keep watching it flitting around.  It still looks more like a creature of faerie to me.

Today is a challenging Gratitude List.  I have been having an allergy-stricken pity party for the past 18 hours.  It’s hard to create a Gratitude List in the midst of self-pity.  I considered not even doing this this morning because this one–wracked as it is by self-pity–feels self-absorbed, but it is also part of my process of growing.  Perhaps this will help me to move beyond myself.

Gratitude List:
1. (What is comforting?) A snoogly kid next to me in the big chair.
2. (What is comforting?) Seven hours of not sneezing.
3. (What is comforting?) While the day ahead has lots of work, I can schedule it myself.
4. (What pleases you?) The green light of morning touching the tops of the trees in the hollow.
5. (What do you anticipate?) Rest, solitude, clear sinuses

May we walk in Beauty!

Exploring What it Means to Be Human

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In the dream, I am giving a lecture to a group of prospective students and parents, and the moment they walk in for my presentation, I forget everything: what I was planning to say, what I am supposed to be talking about, why we are even here in this room.  I am in a complete and utter panic, so I just begin speaking about whatever comes to mind.  We always live in the context of our emotional lives, I tell them.  In the reactive world of daily existence, we don’t often remember to stop and examine what it means to be human.  We aren’t born with the training to step back and explore what it means to be creatures of emotion.  Stories give us that–they take us out of the auto-pilot realm of reactions and give us a slow and thoughtful opportunity to look at what it is to be human.  Like looking at insects held on a pin, literature lets us closely and carefully examine the human condition, and to reflect on ourselves as participants in the human condition.  That is why we study literature.

Not too bad for an on-the-fly, middle of the night dream lecture, though I am a little disturbed by the insect analogy.  I think in the dream I actually said skewered on a pin.  Yeesh.  Anyway, the people nodded and seemed to understand.

Gratitude List:
1. (What makes you curious?) How life-reality seeps into dream-reality.  How they inform each other.  How a dream can inform and settle anxieties: So often my anxiety dreams heighten my anxiety–last night’s dream resolved it.
2. (What is satisfying?) Words and related words: Solve and resolve and dissolve.  Image and magic and imagine.  (Occasionally my mind automatically anagrams words.  The other day, we sat at a restaurant table with a sign that seemed to read, “This table reserved for pirates of 6 or more.”  My mind had anagrammed parties to pirates.  I find this oddly satisfying–pirates and parties are now inextricably linked in my brain.  Like parental and paternal.  Like conversation and conservation.  Reverse-reserve. And the phonetic anagram chicken-kitchen.  Oy–I think I have just officially entered Summertime Brain.)
3. (What is a small thing of wonder?) That toad in the field.  Jon took the picture.  Toads please me, and make my heart happy.
4. (What was fun?) The big yard sale at Lebanon Valley Brethren Home yesterday, an annual event for the family.  Now we have to find a place for all the cords and electronics that one boy has collected, for all the new books, for the games and doodads.  It goes to a good cause, and the boys love it.  They interact with the residents who run the various areas of the sale, and they practice politeness.  I bought a museum-style book on the history of the alphabet and a collection of Whitman’s poetry and prose, along with two Kahlil Gibran books.  And I bought someone’s old cell phone, which I will use as a camera.
5. (What inspires you?) The fledglings standing on the edge of the nest, spreading their wings for first flight.  Today we graduate our seniors.  At Dedication last night, they already wore the aura of the adults they are becoming.  There was still plenty of silliness and bounciness, but it was held within the reverence and earnestness of this Moment of their lives.  Fly Well, Bright Ones!

May we walk, may we fly, in Beauty!

Keep Turning

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I am finding the simple three-circuit labyrinth to be really satisfying.  Like a spiral, each circuit brings you one step closer toward the center, yet there’s that unsettling turning at the end of the circuit.  Wait a minute!  I’m now going the other way!  Still, despite the change in direction, I continue to move ever closer to the center.  This hit me yesterday.  Life has sent me reversals.  I have had moments when I have suddenly changed directions.  The whiplash can feel overwhelming, the sense of lost time or futility in what came before–but the turnings also bring me closer to the center.  The apparent about-faces and the changes of plan do not mean that I am going backwards, undoing the past.  I am still moving closer to the center. It all leads toward the center.

Gratitude List:
1. (What feeds you?) The red of the poppies.  I think I could probably live on the food of that red.  Such an impossible color.  That and the orange of Oriole.  And the thousands greens of the last week of May.
2. (What finds resolution?) I now have fewer balls to juggle, fewer plates to keep spinning in the air.  I can look to caring for my children more intentionally, to tidying and cleaning and systematizing.
3. (What images draw you?) The labyrinth.  We used the labyrinth as the structure for the service in church yesterday, and this Wednesday, I will be focusing on the labyrinth for my mini-course with my students.
4. (Who has been helpful?) Walt Whitman, Rachel Carson, Sojourner Truth–I will meditate on the words and lives of these wise ones this week.
5. (What helps you cope?) This little air conditioner.  If I choose to live beneath the branches of a grand tulip poplar, I must have respite during its blooming season.  This magnificent tree draws our orioles to us.  Its leafy embrace cools us here in the hollow during hot summer days.  It stands across from the sycamore like a sentinel.  It is a city teeming with life, vibrant with the flashing colors, the buzzing and twittering conversations, the busy living of its residents. Its buttery blooms are elegant. . .and toxic to me.  We make allowances.  We adjust ourselves sometimes to live with those we love.  For the week or two that it sends pollen to bless the world around, I spend my time at home in these rooms with the air conditioner on, venturing out for short periods to listen to birdsong, to watch the sun shift across the sky.

May we walk in Beauty!

Walking on Air

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I guessed yesterday when my seven-year-old was playing with some other children during the Little League game, running up a dirt mound and jumping off, that he was feeling that flying feeling.  I asked him, and he confirmed that it did feel like he really was flying.  I remember running down the sloping front yard of our house in West Virginia, and knowing that my feet were actually skimming the earth, not really touching down.  Or sliding my feet down the steps, knowing that I was actually in flight mode, not really bound completely to gravity.

But there’s more to it, because even lately, in my middle age, I have had moments when something in the back of my head believes that gravity has less hold on me than it appears.  It’s not just whimsy, and it’s not that I am losing touch with reality.  It has to do with the staying power of dreams.  These days I rarely have the dreams where I am swooping and soaring, but I frequently have the skimming dreams, the walking on air.  And each time it happens, there is a skeptical place in me that tells me it is impossible,  but the wondering place in me reminds me that it has to be possible if it is happening, and so I wake up with a sense of knowing deep inside myself that I can walk on the air.  I don’t know if it’s a vestigial memory of early learning related to walking, or whether it’s a deep internal awareness of inner capacities–that I dream these things when I am about to break through some barrier in waking life, to do something that seems impossible.  I am fascinated by the way that the dream logic leaks into the waking world, the way that back part of my brain takes a moment to wake up and realize that the dream-reality and the waking-reality are different realms.

Gratitude List:
1. Walking on Air
2. Standing firmly on Earth
3. Being Immersed in the day
4. Being on Fire with an idea
5. Carrying on

May we walk in Beauty!

Listing

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I am planning my end-of-year mini course for seniors, a Writer’s Contemplative Retreat.  I am thinking that I will begin each day with a gratitude list.  I have been reviewing Mary Oliver’s questions, and also trying to watch my mind as I make my own morning list.  I don’t necessarily think conscious questions into the open space of my brain, but there are trails down which I wander when I am thinking up my morning list.  Here are some questions I might ask my students to get them thinking:

* What is beautiful?  What fills me with wonder?  What images have slowed me down and caused me to pause in the past day?  What slows me down?
* What people do I appreciate?  In the past day, what people have I noticed being extra shiny?  Who does things to make the world a better place?  Who helps me?
* What satisfies me?  What makes me say, “Yes, that’s right”?
* What has surprised me in the past day?
* What helps me make it through?  What helps me to cope?  Life can feel downright difficult and wearisome sometimes.  In those moments, what helps me to hold on and face the challenges?

This last is the one that compelled me to write that list this this morning.  I realized that sometimes when I get to the last point or two–especially during times of high stress–I struggle to finish the list.  My mind begins to drag and complain and remind me that I’m tired and exhausted and crotchety.  But the discipline of the list kicks in–I have to finish the blasted thing, even if I’m grumpy.  So my mind goes to the question of what will help me to get through the challenge and the stress.

It makes me think of the fairy tale archetype of the mentor who tells the lost child what to look for: “There will be a signpost that will show you the way.  When you see the road passing between two hills, you know you are nearing your journey’s end.  Ask the old woman who stands at the crossroads for a crust of bread, and she will feed you.”  If I am feeling stressed, spending a moment in the morning to imagine the signposts that will help me to make it through the next portion of my journey helps me to find my way through without becoming overwhelmed.

Gratitude List:
1. Synchronous connections.  As I plan my mini-course, I contacted a local church with an outdoor labyrinth, and I discovered that the deacon who works with the labyrinth is someone I have met and deeply admired.
2. The music teachers at Wrightsville Elementary.  On Tuesday, The strings teacher couldn’t be there for the concert, and the music department head just leapt in and led the orchestras.
3. Blue herons flying above the highway.
4. Raccoon and deer in the hollow.
5. Making lists.

May we walk in Beauty!