Because

“I lack the peace of simple things,” says Wendell Berry
and I concur, almost, because
of the frenzy of the daily commute, because
of the the houseful of stuff we don’t need,
that we trip over in the darkness, because
of the way I am so lost in doing all that must be done.

But Wendell, you know better than most how it’s all around us,
how you can settle your soul into the simple peace, because
of those flaming leaves falling all over my head, because
of the giggle of a five-year-old, because
of sleep, deep restful sleep, because
of the way the corn tastes yellow, but the beans taste green, because
of the way words weave and twist themselves
into something that means something akin to hope.

Gratitude List:
1.  Because of pumpkin pie and delicious Sunday Dinner with good folks
2.  Because of good class preparation time this evening
3.  Because of the color orange, orange in all its colors
4.  Because of Rainer Maria Rilke and living the questions, living into the answers, and because of Elizabeth Barrett Browning and the world being crammed with heaven
5.  Because of that song: “In the bulb there is a flower”

Because we walk in Beauty.

Release the Past

Yesterday’s poem.  I wrote it in response to a photo I saw on my Facebook feed of a person standing in the doorway between two trees at the edge of a wood.

Every step you take is a doorway to somewhere new,
a choice between what was and what will be.
Do not fear the darkness behind you
nor the mists that rise in your path.

Pause on the threshold a moment.
Take a deep and aching breath,and straighten your shoulders.

Release the past with gratitude
for all that it has taught you,
and step forward in strength and beauty.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  Waking up late and lounging in bed.  After that last six-week string of insomniac nights, to finally be able to sleep long again, and then to wake up in the morning and just curl up under the feather quilt listening to the quiet sounds of man and boy talking downstairs–that was a joy.  I feel like Bilbo at Rivendell, rejuvenating to the sound of elves.
2.  Always in autumn,that slant of light.  The way it slips over the ridge to the southeast and hits the trees at the edge of the bosque in the western deep of the hollow.  The way it glows on the last of the golden walnut leaves.
3.  Breakfast.
4.  Rachel Carson.
5.  Water.

May the waters all run free and clean and clear.

Wandering the Hill

The recent units in the college course that I am taking have focused on caring for the Earth.  One of the assignments for this week was to take walks outside and look at the sky, keeping in mind the reading that we did on climate change and the affects of human living on the health of the planet.  I wrote a poem in response.  I think when I have time to review and revise it as a poem, I want to work some more with the image of reversal that my son brought me when he declared it to be backwards day.  What reversals are possible?  What grace is there in the reversal?  What wishes for the future?

Wandering the Hill to Consider the Sky

Here in the hollow,
though still expansive
the sky is relatively small–
a blue bowl upended
on the green bowl here below.

Here in this lower bowl,
down in this green hollow,
we see the world pass above us.

High up, like white sharks
swimming near the ocean’s surface,
the small white forms of jets,
some days leaving their trails
behind them as they fly,
delivering their human cargo.

Below the planes are sometimes
eagles wheeling high
or peregrine wandering
the thin currents.

A layer lower, and the geese
remind each other of the journey’s peril,
calling to orient the family,
to place themselves in the context of flock.

And here, hardly another tree-height
above the trees, the robins and their ilk
come skimming each night in October,
a long low parade, in constant groups of twelve or twenty,
neverendingly to settle in the trees
which nestle deep within the glen.

I am always struck by how the horizon holds the sky here,
gives it weight, cloud-lined at the edges,
and by the layering of the high clouds above,
wispy whispers behind the summer thunderheads
and scudding puffball clouds of autumn.

It can be hard to imagine, here,
how we are harming it, to picture
the burden we’ve asked it to hold.
Some days–when Spicher sprays the southward fields,
or Fisher, up-ridge to the north, lights his burn pile
and the smell of burning plastic rolls down the hillside
like water, while the black smoke rises upward
like some dark mockery of what was once required for holiness–
some days, perhaps, it’s all too clear, here,
what we are doing to the sky.

It’s easy, some days, to ignore the smell of fumes
from my own shiny blue tractor,
my big red farm truck, my trusty old Buick,
easy to excuse my own acceptance of the way things are.

Here, now, on the ridge top,
eastward, looking outward,
the sky opens up and I can see
the hills across the River,
though that blue ribbon is hidden
deep beneath my line of vision.

A jay is calling from the dead oak
and little birds are chipping in the brush at woods edge.
Up here the sounds are more distinct and come from further off.
To west, a dog at Tome Farm across the hollow,
and more dogs from the kennels two hollows to the east.
And the trucks from the highway, from Route 30 and the bridge.

Once, driving along the ridge,
I watched a cloud come roiling up from southward,
like an omen of something sinister,
to settle like a hen over our hollow.
What does the wind carry,
besides geese, besides leaves?

Where do the winds take my leavings and litterings?
Where do the waters bear my dross and detritus?
Like the cobwebs of contrails that scar my sky,
I leave my own mark in the hollow and far beyond it.
What shall be my legacy of use and misuse?
The heritage I bestow upon my children:
consumption and dissipation?

Or will the webs be finer, more gossamer?
Like those of the spider who charts a course
across the spaces between the poplar and the sycamore,
those sentinels whose seeds nourish the wanderers
flitting through the highway of trees that run through the hollow?

Down from the hilltop now,
I turn my gaze from the sky to the henhouse,
and three eggs for breakfast.
A small boy has come from the house
to tell me that today is backwards day
and I must walk backward around the barn
until I bump into him,
coming reverse from the other direction.

After we dutifully collide,
we find chestnuts there.
He eats one,
and buries the other:
a wish for good luck.

What Moth? What Butterfly?

The raucous owls were silent in their bamboo haunts
this morning as I rushed up the hill to meet the moon
emerging from her umbral shadow,
from her ombre ochre cocoon.

What moth will she become?
What butterfly will I?

I sat a moment at the junction where my road
meets the ridge, Mt. Pisgah Road before me,
then the tidy fence,
the dusky hill meadow,
a lacy line of trees across the hilltop,
and the changing moon above in chestnut orange glory
nestled into the indigo dawning.

I caught glimpses of her on my way down the ridge
and then in my mirror as I crossed the bridge
over the water and under the last dusk of night
and I saw then that she was only now just fading into the shadow,
only entering her transformation.

I had to leave her there behind me to do her work
behind the veils of dusky morning
while I drove into the shining pink of sunrise,
Venus riding high before me
and two crows above,
lifting their wings in alleluia.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  Moon.  Moon.  Moon.
2.  So much happiness everywhere.  Other things, too, but happiness.  Joy.  You see it when you look.
3.  I feel a little like I am a bit of a den mother for some of the PSATers.  I love being a den mother of something.
4.  That slant of light.  You know?  That slant of light.  Oh yes: the sycamore IN that slant of light.  We mustn’t–no we daresn’t–forget the sycamore in that slant of light.
5.  And then there were the children off on their way for the fire house open house with their dad.  So much cuteness.  And now, I must make hay while the sun shines or be the mouse playing while the cats are away, or something.  For I have grading to do, and some child-free time in which to do it.

May we walk in Beauty!  So much Beauty!

Detritus

In the field
you examine leaves and feathers
stones and bones
to learn the stories of the land
to see who has passed this way
and how the wind has blown.

At the end of the day
I sweep the broom
across the cold white tiles
of the classroom floor.

A gentle snow of tiny paper pieces
torn from spiral books
falls silently all day
upon the floor

and as I pull those tiny flakes
with my broom,
and candy wrappers,
hair, so much long hair
and almost every day
at least one plastic pen clip,

I wonder what they could tell me,
if I knew how to listen,
about the young trees
which have dropped
these pieces and bits:

That girl, the one who tore
this piece of paper from her notebook
scattering tiny shreds around her on the floor,
would her litter tell me of her loneliness?

The broken bits of pen
perhaps would tell
of the boy who is holding
holding everything in
just barely but something
every day must break
so he doesn’t.

Could I piece a story
from the long strands of hair,
the gum wrappers and bright foils?

Now there is a new lore to learn,
new creatures to track
in the wild places.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  The whole family playing together in the dusk
2.  More fairy toadstools emerging in the fairy circle
3.  A powerful community-building moment in my class, initiated by a student
4.  Seeing a tiny light at the end of this tunnel of grading that I made for myself
5.  Elderberries, elderberries, rah, rah, rah!  I am drinking elderberry syrup almost like juice by now, but it seems to be keeping the thises and thats at bay.   Thanks to Tabea for the elderberries.  Gotta get me a couple of bushes.

May we walk in Beauty!

So Much We Do not See

There is so much we do not see.
We walk through a maze of rocks on a beach
and think that all the world is washed in beige,
when before us lie the myriad possibilities
of the rainbow, if we would only turn our gazes
to the shine, the light that splinters
into beauty on every surface.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  The great horned owls are calling this morning.  I have heard three distinct voices, I think.  Their call, here in the hollow, is the same rhythm as I have heard it elsewhere, but there’s something different, like a regional accent, an extra light bounce between the early notes.
2.  From my end, chapel seemed to go well yesterday.  They seemed attentive to what I was saying.  I talked about the Open Bowl of the Heart: the practice I do, when I get to feeling hopeless and despairing about what is wrong in the world, of visualizing that my heart can hold it all, the stories of horror right alongside the stories of unexpected kindness and the beauty around me.
3.  Elderberries!  Thanks to my wonderful friend Tabea, I now have two large bags of berries in the freezer, enough to make quite a bit of syrup to keep my family healthy in the coming winter, I hope.
4.  Unexpected kindnesses.  A student I have never met walked into my classroom and deposited on my desk a picture that he had drawn for me, a beautiful pencil rendering of a movie heroine.  Apparently he used to draw pictures for my predecessor, and he decided to keep up the tradition.  Lucky me!
5.  This gray moth that is fluttering about in front of the computer has a little flash of rosy sheen when its wings catch the light just so, and when it slows down enough for me to see.  It’s sort of like the magic of moonstone or labradorite, appearing dull and grayish on the surface, but filled with faerie twinkles when it is turned to the light just so.  Maybe people are like that, too, the ones who seem to be going about the day in a gray pallor, not drawing particular attention to themselves suddenly shine forth a color you can’t even name, it comes on you so whimsically.

May we walk in Beauty!

There Needs to Be a Poem

There needs to be a poem here
something to fill the space
to inspire
to bless.

There needs to be a word
that fills the small green hollows
between the first shy greeting
and the questions
that draw out the hearts
like small burrowing animals
from their safe nests.

There needs to be a song here.
At least a whispered line
with a hint of a melody
and a rhythm
like the chirping of the tree frogs
high in the oak grove.

Let us stand in the moment
shoulder to shoulder
like the deer on the verge
we caught in our headlights,
and listen for the distant unrolling of words.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  That wonderful woman at OfficeMax yesterday who said that since the Lancaster store was selling notebooks for a penny a piece, she could give me the same price, and then only gulped a little when I said, “That’s so great!  I’d like a hundred for my English classes!”  I quickly realized that I was taking overenthusiastic advantage of a kindness and cut my number back just a little.
2.  Waters of Transformation.  Yes, indeed.
3.  I have a job where people sometimes start the day with a collegial hymn-sing.  Have I landed in a perfect place for me, or what?
4.  Inspiration struck when I needed it and before I was a complete wreck of exhaustion: I have been a little anxious this weekend about preparation for the coming week.  I came away from last week sort of feeling like I had drained my wells of inspiration for lesson plans.  Just like poetry writing, however: When you let go, sometimes the streams begin to trickle back in again, and sometimes they come in as a flood. I hope the students are a tenth as eager for the work I present tomorrow as I am to present it.
5.  Family time.  Meeting Kim’s dear children.  Basking in Craig’s delightful smile.  Listening to the harmonica trio play in harmony.  Discussing recipes for fish.

May we walk in Beauty!

I wish for you

I wish for you,
when you lose your way,
a bright feather on your path.

I wish for you,
when your eyes are spangled with tears,
a shaft of shining light to prism you a rainbow.

I wish for you,
when the load is heavy,
a gentle wind to lift you up.

May your roads be green.
May your stars shine brightly in the night.
May the valley ahead be filled with small hearth fires
and the sound of singing.

Gratitude List:
1.  Thoughtful, helpful,kind colleagues.  A healthy community of teachers can develop a healthy community of students.
2.  First days.  New beginnings.  In the autumn when I have not returned to school, I have often been jealous of the people who do. Clean slate.  Sharp pencils.  Possibilities.
3.  Trusting the net to appear.
4.  Meeting my children’s teachers and new principal.  The boys will be well cared for, and in a rich learning environment.
5.  Letting go. I am ready for the first day of school, but the last minute brought up all the thousand things that suddenly need to happen.  Right now!  I will not get all the thousand things done in the next two hours.  Still, I can let them go, and know that the day will happen as it happens.  This is the first lesson.

May we walk in Beauty!

Leap

Deep breath.
Straighten the spine.
Scan the wide vista before you.

Feel the morning breeze
as the sun rises
over the far horizon.

Another deep breath.
Spread your wings.
Leap.

 

Gratitude List:
1.  Beads, stones, stories, and a little bottle of water from Lake Victoria.
2.  This family.  The growing kids.  The cousins who take time and heart with the little ones.
3.  People who sing.  I love being around Winnie the Pooh and Bilbo the Hobbit types, who are always transforming the moment into a song.
4.  The color blue, from the peace of turquoise, to the love and nurture of Mary’s Robe, to deep visionary indigo, to crisp and intellectual cobalt.
5.  Leaping into the blue.

May we walk in Beauty!

Lullabies and Wake Up Calls

Before you knew it
you were halfway across.
You had thought each step
would be an ordeal,
that you’d wrestle
the fear away
with every buck and sway
of the bridge.

But that bright butterfly
slipped along ahead of you
through the mist, the cloud,
and you followed it
until the cloud parted
and the valley lay out below you,
full of wonder.

The bridge,
you know,
the bridge itself
is the journey.

Gratitude List:
1.  Family camping-in-the-yard night.  Didn’t get much sleep, me.  But lots of snuggles and an great-horned owl lullaby and a crow and cuckoo wake-up call.  Worth it.
2.  Anticipating hearing the Africa stories this afternoon.
3.  Church.  I know.  But I love these people.  I can’t wait to get there and sing with people, and listen to the ideas and the stories.
4.  Kitty snuggles
5.  Bridges.  Made of language, of the future, of dreams, of feathers, of steel, of anxious wishing, of people, of hearts.

May we walk in Beauty!