I should be used to it by now: I wrangle ushers for all the shows at my school. I shouldn’t be internally startled that the show opens on Thursday, but somehow it always confuses my days for me. It feels like it should be a Friday. And tonight, I have to train my ushers to do both the usual jobs as well as the intermission and end-of-show jobs because I will be running up to the stage to sing in the pit. I’m excited to be in a show, even if I’m back in the shadows, simply boosting the sound.
Gratitude List: 1. The incredible talents of the young people in my school. They are pulling off a major production this weekend. 2. The organizers and directors and costumers and musicians and choreographers who coach and assist and counsel the students to create the show. 3. Rest, in the between spaces. 4. Red. I am wearing a red scarf today for energy. 5. This not-so-little kid beside me, doing a puzzle and whistling something classical. I think it’s from Grieg. I don’t think we play enough classical music here, but he seems to have picked up some motifs.
I heard someone speak today about the “re-” words, about how they’re so often really positive: rejuvenate, reconciliation, resolve, resolution, recreation, recharge. . . I like that, and I love looking at the probable root words: juvenate, conciliation, solve, solution, creation, charge. . . I agree that they’re positive, but part of their brightness lies in their shadows. If you are re-conciling, there’s a suggestion that the first “conciliation” didn’t quite work out. If you need to re-solve an issue, perhaps it was left un-solved, or it dis-solved somewhere along the line.
I don’t think that makes them less perky or positive, however. Perhaps more so. To know the willful comfort of a re-solution when the first solution didn’t take. To understand the depth of peace in deliberate re-creation which takes me back to a sense of the wholeness of creation.
I suppose it’s become a truism that people only deeply appreciate something when they know how easily it can be lost, but that’s probably because it’s so true. There’s a wonder and a joy in the initial birth of a thing, but the deep appreciation and gratitude for what we have often comes in the awareness of how easily it is lost.
I have been disdainful of the term New Year’s Resolution because of the flippant and glib ways in which we discuss and create New Year’s Resolutions in our culture. Perhaps if I consider (or re-consider) them as re-solutions, they might make more sense to me. In what ways have my past solutions not been sufficient? How can I re-solve my challenges? And in the process, can I offer my past self a little more compassion, knowing how easy it can be to lose sight of my original intentions?
Gratitude List: 1. Listening to a man whistling and a boy harmonizing with him on a hum
2. Getting back into the rhythm
3. Preparing a short story for submission–I don’t think I’ve ever submitted a short story before
4. Re-solving, re-storing, re-creating, re-conciling. Re-
5. Sleep and dreams